23 November, 2011

Falling

can represent so many things.

The leaves off trees.  The falling into love. Falling into a low place.

You can also fall up.  And I fin myself falling up.  Heading into an unknown, but good path.  For once I am not scared of the change so much as trying to embrace it.

So very much to look forward to :D

19 September, 2011

Late night musings...

A lot of thoughts have been going through my mind lately. In no specific order:

9/11: The short story: I remember, I will never forget.

Longer story.  I remember where I was, who was around, the fact I watched with a dozen students standing around me... the fact my pup that night saved my life by giving me a purpose I badly needed in a time of mental turmoil in my life.  (It had been even before 9/11)

School: I have started back and am officially enjoying all three classes.  This week sees me doing my BLS (Basic Life Support) training.  Then the next 2 weeks see me working form the school library. Online classes are going well.  I lie the topics, and am enjoying what I am learning.

Kids: They are growing like weeds.  And it looks like I went from having one barely potty training to have two who are.  My almost 3 yo is finally taking an interest in potty training at home and not just school, and add my 13 month old daughter who pointed at the potty the other day.  So I set her on it and she went.  Did it again yesterday and today.  She pointed in the potty today and clapped.  I am in awe at how whip smart she is.  Both kids truly are.

Life with the hubby is decent.  Work is good for him and the fact my goal for working is getting closer helps.We are getting a lot more in the way of family time.  We are both getting our time out alone and together. It helps immensely.

I am trying to find myself and where I am as me and being the mother of two, rather than comparing myself to who I thought I was a decade ago.


23 August, 2011

Summer, where have you gone?

This summer has been long, yet short.  No classes for me this year, so one would think I would actually have some time.  That answer is no.  Medical appointments, therapies, play dates, errands and meetings (with a trip or two thrown in) have managed to take up my time and lead me back to classes.

School.  I wanted to go get my BSN.  Alas, the way a lot of schools are working, you test a year+ before you actually start taking actual nursing classes.  Which leaves me at 3-5 years before I graduate and start working.  That is too long for me.

What can I do, I want to be in the medical field and help people... Hey, what about the EMT-I program at the local 2 year?  I go through the process, I apply.  I get all the documents submitted.  Crickets.

I finally get a message that I need to take the Math portion of the entrance exam, as I don't have the right type of math class on my transcript.  Take that.  Finally get my acceptance letter forever and a day later, too later for me to register in the regular registration period.  I am required to go to final registration.

I arrange for child care for DD, as she is generally home with me. Drop the kids off and trek my way northward to the campus I am required to attend registration at.  I had received no information other than this time at this location.  No room number, no building.  Just the campus.  *boggle*

I finally get parked, after being sent back and forth between two buildings.  Frustration is an understatement at this point.  No signage on campus.  No information on doors.  I start questioning my decision to switch schools during this mess.

I finally get to the right building, and apparently bypassed the sign in line and ended up in the right room, where a woman talks down to me, claiming to understand my situation. "You don;t need to worry, things will be covered by financial aid" "Ma'am, I don't have financial aid" as one example.

I get through the most exasperating process of registering, as I just need to be in the system.  Then, I get the heck out of there.  I just couldn't leave fast enough.  I go run an errand or two and get DD. I head home and just decompress.  I had to wait for Saturday to actually log in and wait to see if enough people got booted for lack of payment to see if I could create a schedule that would work for me.

Thankfully there was. What are you taking?  Thank you for asking!



ALHS 1040 – Introduction to Health Care :  Introduces a grouping of fundamental principles, practices, and issues common in the health care profession. In addition to the essential skills, students explore various delivery systems and related issues. Topics include: basic life support/CPR, basic emergency care/first aid and triage, vital signs, infection control/blood and air-borne pathogens

ALHS 1060 – Diet and Nutrition for Allied Health Science : ) A study of the nutritional needs of the individual. Topics include: nutrients, standard and modified diets, nutrition throughout the lifespan, and client education


ALHS 1090 – Medical Terminology for Allied Health Science :  Introduces the elements of medical terminology. Emphasis is placed on building familiarity with medical words through knowledge of roots, prefixes, and suffixes. Topics include: origins (roots, prefixes, and suffixes), word building, abbreviations and symbols, and terminology related to the human anatomy



These are all classes that work towards the Health Care Assistant Certificate, which is the program you must be admitted to in order to apply to the EMT Certificate program.  All three classes should be interesting.

My books were a different story!  I was smart an ordered all of my large textbooks from Amazon.  I should have them in my hands on Wednesday (yay for Amazon Prime!).  I had to go to campus for my American Heart Association BLS (basic life support) book and my "personal protection" kit (mask, booties, clothing cover, gloves and a hair cap... will be on all the runways next season, I swear!).  It took me an hour+ to get into the store and purchase these two items that were less than $25.00.  Sheer insanity.  The school bookstore is smaller than my living room/dining room area!  Thankfully, my DD was good, and folks smiled while she was singing and chattering in line.  Again, no signage as to where the bookstore was, and the first sign I saw IN a building, had the wrong room number!  Crazy!!!

I make it through and head home.

I've printed my syllabi, have started the online reading for the two classes and emailed my on campus instructor about me missing class next Friday (trip to see my family due to a memorial service for my aunt).

And now, I head off to get things done... Zumba, reading and child wrangling.  Some cleaning and laundry, too! Need a time turner...

22 August, 2011

Trying to push forward.

And I have already derailed my promise to myself.  I think of writing, often.  I just don't follow through.  Any other parents do that?  Do you often fail to produce on promises for yourself?  I find I do it more often than not. It is frustrating.


Here on out, I have to be better about this.  Too much on my plate to drop any of it.  


I admit, I am stressed and worried.  A lot going on.  


DS had his arena assessment with the local government school system.  He turns 3 next month, and that ages him out of the EI services he has been receiving (if you are not familiar with EI,  Early intervention services are concerned with all the basic and brand new skills that babies typically develop during the first three years of life: ie speech, listening or walking.  DS has been receiving speech services since October.  EI is available to qualifying children based on having or being at risk of serious developmental delays ).


DS hasn't had the easiest of roads.  I have posted his birth story previously.  It was not a good experience for me.  He likely wasn't quite done baking.  A lot of this is covered in that post.  The first ear infection we caught was at 5 months.  It took two rounds of oral antibiotics and three IM shots to break it.  and that started our months of constant ear infections.  Rounds upon rounds of anitbiotics and the probiotics to prevent thrush in him and me, as we are a breastfeeding household.  Finally, at 18 months of age, we were sent to the ENT, because we were already seeing language issue due to DS not being able to hear.


The practice has 6 doctors on staff.  One of them is a DO, and I prefer to be as conservative as possible, so we went with him.  (note: I thought about chiropractic, but was worried had we spent another 3-6 months doing treatment that may or may not work, we would be ooking at further hearing/speech issues that we were already facing) DS was examined, audiology testing done and results given... my son was hearing the teacher from Peanuts while sitting under water.  Considering he had had fluid in his ears nonstop for 13 months at that point, and we were seeing the manifesting of issues due to it, we went with PE tubes.  Tube date was set, we did pre-surgery hearing test and got everything set up. 


Ironically, April 1 was the date to have the placed.  I was ~5 months pregnant with our DD.  Thankfully, they allowed me to carry DS back to the OR, and stay with him until the "Vadar" mask worked to let him sleep. It is literally a 5 minute procedure, but it is the longest 5 minutes in the world.  When the Dr. came back to the family room my MIL and I were, I was ready to jump out of my skin.  We were able to go back and join him about 10 minutes later.


I held him, and once he was drinking we were able to head out.  He was hungry, so we stopped for food. For the first time even, DS complained about the noise of a restaurant.  From there, we headed home.  About an hour later, I heard DS hum for the first time ever.  I about cried! I heard 'Mama' about a month later.  We went for his post-op appointment in May, where hearing showed normal!  Set up a follow up appointment for November and continued forward.


We fast forward to August, and I give birth to DD.  DS adores his baby sister.  This is almost five months after the tubes, and DS's vocabulary was not growing.  So I called the children's program in our state.  September and October saw us going through intake assessment and his evaluation.  The evaluation team had notes, these notes stated that DS was borderline for services.  What they saw and what they gathered from us, pushed DS's need from 'wait and see', to 'needs services'.


The SLP (Speech Language Pathologist) who was on our evaluation team ended up as DS's ST (speech therapy).  And it was obvious they clicked.  Oh, not to say that DS would fight at times, but he trusted her, and he worked hard. We dealt not only with speech issues, but lack of oral awareness as well as handling the fact that my son is hypo-sensitive to touch.  He needs heavy touch to give the right response.  Sadly, we moved in February and had to switch areas.  This meant a new SLP for DS.  And we get things rolling there. 


The summer saw us hit an OT assessment as well as his assessment with the school system, as he ages out of EI soon.  Sensory issues are confirmed, and speech looks like it will be continued.  I attended his IFSP  meeting (goal setting) with his SLP and his case manager.  


Now, we wait for the IEP meeting with the school that would be his, if he gets pre school services.  


Challenges, we'll face you and overcome.  I just want what is best for my little boy.  We continue to work with him and move forward, ever forward.

05 August, 2011

Scattered writings, mama brain and life

I keep saying I am going to update this thing.  And then I "promise" to myself, I am going to update. 

I just need to get off my arse and do it.  How many mamas out there do this to themselves on a regular basis?  it usually isn't reference to a blog.  It is our hair, clothes, choice of activities or a book. 

What do I want to write about?

Mom to two, tandem nursing, nursing in general, being a student.  I am trying to reclaim myself in a way, as I got lost somewhere when motherhood took over.  Mother is not everything I am, but it colors everything I do.

I am making a birthday promis to myself.  I get 15 minutes everyday to write, no matter what.  It is my gift to myself, and I hope I can find the balanced me in there, someplace :D

12 April, 2011

HAWMC - Day Twelve: Free Writing Based on an Image


Images that have helped me through a journey I never thought I would take.


My son was born via an emergency c-section, something I was not prepared for, nor a true participant in outside of being cut open.  The care providers I had hired failed me, and left me feeling like I was incomplete as a woman, like I would never be able to give birth vaginally and I ached.

My recovery was hard.  Infection, post partum depression.  I sunk further and further, and ended up sliding to the point I was no longer caring for me or DS  and it was something I couldn't handle watching.

I got back on my meds, pushed to lose the rest of the baby weight and got healthier.  Low and behold I found out I was pregnant.  And that is when I found ICAN.  The support, information and friendships I have gathered from this amazing group fo individuals helped support me through the pregnancy with my daughter.  The change of providers, to a VBAC friendly provider.  Knowing that other women had forged the path ahead of me, and had been successful made me even more determined to do what ever I could to make the best foot forward in attaining a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean, just a note).

Come August 10, 2010, I added a success.  My DD was born, vaginally, no pain medication outside of a 40 minute period where the paracervical block I had allowed me to focus my contractions.  I held her immediately.  I didn't get to hold my son for almost 4 hours. The difference in my experiences was night and day.

I stand by the idea that an informed patient makes informed decisions.  That doesn't just apply to childbirth, but across the board.  It is why I will stand with my ICAN sisters on Saturday, at a Cersarean Awareness Rally, to encourage other women to become informed. 

So much more I can say, but I will leave it at this.  ICAN and I did.  VBAC.

11 April, 2011

Slew of posts upcoming...

I've been writing, but not posting, as I have been taking a break from the computer and focusing on school work :D

A lot has been swirling around my mind.

Posts on Depression, PPD, dealing with migraines, kids and breastfeeding are incoming.

Free Web health seminar!


Join me for WEGO Health’s Webinar: Navigating Your Health Narrative!
  
I just registered for WEGO Health’s exciting new webinar and I wanted to share with everyone.  Here are the particulars:

What: Navigating Your Health Narrative Webinar
Who: Health Activist Panel with Lisa E, Erin B, Jenni P, and Amanda D
When: Thursday April 21st 8pm EST (the webinar will last one hour)
Where: Sign up here (link) and you’ll get all the details
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By signing up you’ll also have a chance to ask specific questions for the Health Activist panel that will be answered during the live Q&A portion of the webinar. You’ll get access to the archived version of the webinar!


I am looking forward to taking part in this event!

30 March, 2011

Dealing with demons past and present...

and strangely, no alcohol has been consumed.

Talk about a disjointed post.  The kids are in bed, dishwasher and dryer going.  Toys mostly picked up.  And wondering why I even get excited about things, when as soon as I do, they get ripped from me.

I am trying to motivate to get school work done.

Slipknot, a fantastic band.

Who am I wondering, realizing that I have left behind.  It's me.  I realize I push my needs, wants and desires to the back of the list. A lot running through my mind, and  am having issues working through it.

I should have seen my neuro months ago... no appointment.

Wondering where to go with everything going on.

That is why I am trying to take care of myself, in small ways... Moving forward is all we can do...


Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there

Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not care
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?

I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself

And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don't ever let me know
If you still care don't ever let me know

29 March, 2011

How to jump back in...

after realizing things are rough.  I don;t have the answer to that question, but I am looking for it. 

Chronic depression is a way of life for me.  Some days are great.  Others, not so much. 


We are dealing with grey weather, rainy day upon rainy day.  I know I need to get out, but it is hard, even to attend the classes on campus. Or to open up my online classes.  It can be a struggle.

Health woes are abundant right now.  Mastitis, chronic migraines, chronic depression, dizziness and lethargy.  So, I am back to the drawing board of trying to figure out what these pieces may be part of.  What is the greater whole I am fighting.

The best thing that has happened to me in the past year is the VABC I had in August.  And baby girl is sitting next to me trying to help with this post.  Consider me jumped into the pools, and looking what direction to go.

Want to make your voice heard?

New WEGO Health Panel for Parents who Blog about Health!

WEGO Health is a different kind of social  media company whose mission is to empower the top 10% of online health social media contributors to connect with each other and with healthcare companies.  They call these people Health Activists and I am one of them! 

I’m blogging about WEGO Health to let all of you know that they’re going to be an Insight Panel (online focus group) for parents who blog about family health, nutrition, parenting and more!  I’ve already signed up but I wanted to make sure that all of my readers knew about the opportunity as well.  The Insight Panel will last about an hour and all participants will receive a $25 Amazon.com gift card for their participation.  They’re still scheduling the actual Panel but are interested in sharing this with people now!

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03 January, 2011

Rain falls, flowers grow...

A new year is the time to sow new seeds, learn things and better one's self.

It also seems to be a time of huge change.  I see it every day in my children, in my husband, in myself.  

We are moving in February, not far, but we will be in our own space again.  Hopefully only one more move in our future when we buy a home.

Right now, baby girl is sleeping, little boy is playing quietly (as he is under the weather) and my husband is off to grab a few things at the store before he goes to work the poker tournament tonight. Grilled cheese and soup night.  Cuddles and watching TV.  Think it is a good way to spend the evening with my kids.

I will be better about the aspects in my life.  I am back to task lists, so I can get things done.  Getting back on the exercise train (yay for keeping our Y membership, so I can use the weights and do Zumba.  And baby girl is now old enough for the child care room.)

I am learning more in crochet and learning knitting (slowly).  I am enjoying making things besides blankets and scarves.   Ravelry