Dealing with demons past and present...

and strangely, no alcohol has been consumed.

Talk about a disjointed post.  The kids are in bed, dishwasher and dryer going.  Toys mostly picked up.  And wondering why I even get excited about things, when as soon as I do, they get ripped from me.

I am trying to motivate to get school work done.

Slipknot, a fantastic band.

Who am I wondering, realizing that I have left behind.  It's me.  I realize I push my needs, wants and desires to the back of the list. A lot running through my mind, and  am having issues working through it.

I should have seen my neuro months ago... no appointment.

Wondering where to go with everything going on.

That is why I am trying to take care of myself, in small ways... Moving forward is all we can do...


Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there

Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not care
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?

I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself

And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don't ever let me know
If you still care don't ever let me know