Beanling's birth timeline
Monday 8/9/10 was my 41 week 2 day appointment with Doc Tate. Went out to the office, has my NST (little girl did well) and went into the room. Chatted with Doc Tate, about how I was uncomfortable about inducing at 42 weeks (due to family history), and that I was willing to do a cervical check, and base my decision of how to proceed on it. Check occurs, and I am closed up like Fort Knox! So, with that, we'll play it by ear and I'll likely see you Thursday. No decisions before then. I meet up with Trin and Mat for Krispy kremes and tea. From there I head home. I rest.
I go and pick up Doomling from school. The teachers and staff are surprised to still see me picking him up and carrying him around. We head home, where Doomling sees Da (Clint) for a little bit before Clint heads off to work for the poker league. Doomling was way past tired... he was overtired and cranky, so we sit down and nurse, for a good 40-45 minutes. In the past, I would get a small increase in contractions, then it would go back to what I dealt with for the prior sixweeks. This time, not so much. Instead of the dull achey contractions, I was getting sharp, crampy contractions. Doomling fell asleep, and I got him situated. This when the back and forth to the bathroom began. I felt like I had to void constantly...the feeling would go away, I would go back in the living room. Then back to the bathroom. After this occurred for 45 minutes and Doomling woke up, I messaged a friend nearby, after messaged Sarah (my back up driver) and got no response, and Jo came over to help with Doomling.
They sharp crampy sensation continued, and after 90 minutes I called the service, who then put me through to Tia (the Nurse Practitioner at the practice). After timing, my contractions were 1-1.5minutes apart. Tia said she would talk to Doc Tate, but suggested I head in, just to be safe, since they were close.
I get my bag, and Doomling's backpack. Sarah called back, hadher meet me at Midtown, since she was coming from near Toco Hills. Called Clint and told him Jo was taking me in. He asked I keep him updated. (Little did I know he looked at the poker players and said "My wife is in labor, y'all need to hurry up")
Jo was entertaining as she drove my car down 75 to get to Midtown... Cursing, honking... Me telling her to get into the HOV lane "Why is the woman in labor directing me... somethingis wrong with that." We park in the deck, and get the three of us walking in.
I check into L and D at 8:05pm, Sarah is already there waiting for us. Jo and Sarah get their visitor badges and they lead us back. I laugh as they put me in triage 14, again (third time in the room!)
At 8:30pm, nurse comes and checks me, after explaining toher my anxiety issues with gurney placement (from my experience at Northside,if people move the gurney without telling me, I start to get flashbacks from how I was handled there, and start hyperventilating) verdict is: fingertip dilated, placed on monitors until9:15pm. Get a baseline read. The nurse brought me apple juice and graham crackers (I shared the crackers with Bradley)
9:15pm I get off the monitors and start walking floor with Jo as Sarah tried to get Bradley to sleep. Find out Doc Tate was at the hospital and planned to come by to check me... Sarah texted me to let me know that Doomling was getting to the point of sleep.
10pm saw me still walking (Jo and Sarah trade places, now that Doomling was asleep). Sarah and I continue walking, we get a call that Clint is on his way in from Woodstock where he was working. Meanwhile I text Talitha to keep her updated as to what's going on.
10:45pm Clint gets to Midtown, and I am back in the room,because the contractions were stronger, walking was more difficult and I was laying on the gurney on my side rocking through them, trying to stay relaxed as possible through them.
At 11:05pm Jo and Doomling leave, as Jo was a saint and kept Doomling for the night, as she was there. It made more sense than calling Steph or Trin, and shifting him again. Trying to have consistency for the toddler,or something like it, right? It's thefirst night I have spent away from my son. A bit bittersweet, as I worried about what he would think when he woke up and Mama and Da weren't there. Doomling was in good hands with Jo.
After they left, I snacked on the remaining apple juice the nurse brought me earlier. I will admit, I wasn't nearly as good about fluid intake as I should have been. At 12:30am Doc Tate arrives in my room. Before he came in, I noted that he was there,as I could hear his voice through the door. He checks and I am 2cm and 80% effaced. I am given the option of staying or going home. I note the car ride would be uncomfortable back to Marietta and something told me we would be turning around to come back as soon as we got home. I decided to stay on gut call, I admit! And I am glad I listened to my gut. With the new moon, seems mamas were flocking into L and D. We would find out more about this later.
I continue laboring, and Sarah calls Talitha with the update. We are supposed to call when I am moved to a LDR. 2:00am rolls around and I start discussing meds, the nurse said she would ping Doc Tate (the nurse I had was not familiar with him or how he handles things, so made things interesting). I told her no epidural (or at least Clint and Sarah knew I didn't want one and relayed that information). (I will also note here that I was going back and forth to labor in the bathroom. Bits of my plug were coming out, nothing like what happened with Bradley,spent a lot of 1-3:30am back and forth between the gurney and bathroom, and the infamous bloody show came about after my water broke)
About 2:10am I'm sitting back up to walk back into the bathroom when I feel a very small 'pop' and I ask Sarah and Clint "Did my water break or did I pee myself?"
Right after, about 2:15, Doc Tate comes in and checks to find light staining, I am 3cm/-1 (never got this far with Doomling!). He asked when my water broke and I mentioned what I felt. Dr. Fletcher came in and got the intake questions/paperwork to admit me. I later found out active labor was called at 2:10 by Doc Tate.
Sarah called Talitha to let her know what was going on and we were still waiting for transfer to a LDR. Little did we know that Triage and L and D were full up, and they weren't planning on moving me.
At 4:30am Doc Tate came in and asked me what I wanted pain management wise. I said PCB (paracervical block). He checked and I was 5cm. He was willing to try it, but wasn't sure it would work well with me being 5cm. This is also where we find out I am not being moved from triage.
The needed items for the PCB are brought in and from4:45-5:05 Doc Tate administered it. Sarah calls Talitha to let her know I am not being moved, so she can head over. Talitha arrives after 1st side administered. Not the most comfortable thing in the world, but once it was done, I did notice a difference.
From 5:05am-5:45am, we raised the gurney and got me on the birthball to allow the PCB to work effectively. I am laying on the gurney in between contractions trying to rest, as I had been up since 6:30am on Monday. A warmed rice pack on my spine, Sarah, Clint and Talitha helping me through the pressureof the contractions. Seriously, was not wanting for support. I could not have done this without them.
I was still on the monitors while on the ball, and we had issue keeping Beanling on them, even with Talitha trying to chase her. So at 5:45am Doc Tate comes in, gets me back onbed to check the possibility of decels (gets us to shut off the music... my DH rocks, as I had a good mix of music off of his iTunes... just had to skip past the Christmas music ;-) ) one more check,which shows me almost complete with cervical lip. Test pushes suggested by Doc Tate, and those test pushes sucked. I started reclined, shifted to my side and then to my hands and knees.
6:04am complete- on hands and knees. They come in while I am pushing and tell usthey are moving me to LDR 11. I am covered with a sheet , wheeled down the hallway. Switch to the LDR bed. Couldn't get up into full squat due to numbness in hands and feet/legs.
I got back into the semi-recline position as I was bette rable to curl around baby girl. Talitha right leg, Sarah left leg/camera, Clint at my head, Catie, a med student on left. Doc Tate was at foot, Dr. Fletcher bottom right. Mirror was placed. Quick set up due to the room change. Still can't believe I almost delivered in Triage and they moved me during pushing. Started pushing again... effective. Low vocalization. I held my hubby's hand with my right hand. Asked for the massage to stop, as it was taking away from my focus. I literally retracted into myself, and was repeating over and over in my head "I can do this, I can do this...". I felt her hair... Oh my goddess, she's on her way. I then saw hair, slowed down when she crowning. Right as I was told to pant. I continued to watch as this creature emerged from me. Her head comes out. And pop! The rest of her follows, with lots of fluid. Baby girl had a coating of merconium on her. Baby at 6:30am! (After the alarm goes off on my phone, my 6:30 wake up alarm). Doc Tate and Dr. Fletcher clean her off and place her on my chest. She cries. OMG, she's here... I am so shocked, I can't cry. Clint tells me he's proud of me. Hat placed on Beanling, and a blanket. Doc Tate stating "I am seeing skin where I shouldn't" and we cover her more.
Clint is offered to cut the cord. He declines. I was about to offer to Sarah, when they ask me if I want to do so. "Yes. Please." I cut my daughter's cord and hold her, and nurse while I work with the contractions to pass the placenta. Clint goes over to the warmer, and I pass Beanling over, so they can stitch me up. Placenta delivers about 6:45am. Some uterine massage was done onthe uterus to expel additional tissue. Shot to help with the bleeding. Numbed up and stitched, due to the second degree tear. I also managed to knock out my hep lock while I was laboring... saved Doc Tate writing a discontinue order on that!
Beanling had apgars of 8/9. Beautiful, alert baby girl. Seeing my hubby hold her, it wasamazing. Seeing her was amazing. Doc Tate posted to the forums from my LDR :chuckles:.
I truly thought I was going to be sent home, hence me notposting that I was going in.
I really can not complain about my delivery. What I wanted and what I got meshed. The only pain management I wanted was the PCB, and that is what I got. I was surroundedby loving, caring people, and my daughter was loved on immediately after her arrival. It was a big difference from not meeting Bradley until almost 4 hours after his birth. I would take the 6 weeks of prodromal labor over again for the delivery I had.
I can't thank Sarah, Clint and Talitha for the support. It was what I needed, when I needed it and kept me going when I was worried I couldn't do it.
Some of the pictures Talitha took are here starting on page 3 of the album: http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v738/napper820/Beanling%20Pregnancy/
The other thing is, I noted I had a med student in on my birth. Catie was a sweetheart. She had been to 6 births, all cesareans. So, I was not only her first vaginal birth,but her first VBAC as well. She thanked us for allowing her to be part of it. Come to find out she was rounding out the end of her OB rotation, andshe expressed an interest in pursuing OB. I saw her my last morning at Midtown, and she said she was planning on learning more, so she can help moms "...do what you did. Thank you again, for sharing the experience with me, as it was amazing."
I truly hope more med students see a VBAC/vaginal birth andrealize what the experience means. And help normalize what we experience in birth.
While I am a far way from being "healed" from my experiences with Doomling's birth, I know what happened is not my fault. I had control taken from me, and that is not the way things are supposed to go for a normal birth. My providers failed me in that regard, and left me feeling traumatized and scared about any future pregnancies.
I can say I am not scared anymore. My body can do it, I did it. And I have to say thank you, Dr. Tate, for the chance to prove it to myself.
23 October, 2010
The birth of my son...
I wrote this when I was 19 days PP with Doomling, my son.
Nikki / Doomling Birth Story
Okay, I finally have time to type this up. I will say it ended up in no way easy or all that natural. And I apologize for any details I miss, as I have been busy with a small person as well as some aspects are hard to remember.
My water broke somewhere between midnight and 8am on the 27th. I wondered if it were a trickle, my panties were soaked. I wondered, did I wet myself in my sleep? Could someone sleep through that? Am I crazy for thinking it? Who knows. Got up and went to the bathroom. Trickled, then peed normally, then trickled some more. Looked at Clint and said "I think we maybe going in today, care to cuddle as this may be the last morning we have to do this ourselves?" We cuddled for a little bit, and I waited to see if I still trickled or if my contractions picked up. (Went through two more pairs of panties while waiting.) Called the on call number. Took two tries, and got a call back from Amanda (MW) who had me come into Northside Hospital's Women's Center. Can I tell you it is an experience to try and get a clan pair of panties on, 10 months pregnant, and trying not to drip amniotic fluid on the carpet? Exotic dance, in some cultures, maybe.
Clint and I gather up stuff, as we have a feeling we won't be going home. Get to L and D, get signed in, head back to the LDR room. Talk to Julia (my nurse) as Clint goes to take care of stuff. Gown, and on monitors. Doomling was good, I was contracting (1-2 minutes apart, as per the previous 10 days!). I get changed into my gown, get hooked onto the monitors, and Julia started my paperwork (I swear, they use a tree to admit you). I answer the questions, continue contracting (had to be about noon at this point). Julia does the swab to check for amniotic fluid presence, and it shows nada. She ends up coming back a bit later with Amanda, so they can try the swab again before looking at going to the ferning test option. Yay, on my back... at least plastic duck lips (speculum) this time, Amanda asks me to cough while she swabs. I cough. Clint could see the swab turn blackish blue almost instantly. No going home for us, we were there until we had a baby. Now, I was asked when my fluid broke... not sure, so Amanda went based off of my 8am wake up. Also took three people to get my IV started, and I am not normally a hard stick!
Amanda then checked my dilation, and I was *still* at 1cm. The plan was to walk for an hour, and spend 20 minutes on the monitors to check the little man. So walk Clint and I did. We did laps around the labor and delivery units, I think until 2:55. Got back to my LDR (Labor, Delivery and Recovery room) and got hooked back up after a bio break (I noted to the nurse I hadn't seen that much blood since my last period, and she noted it was normal) Amanda came in and checked me again, she didn't want to check me too often, as with my water broken, higher risk of infection. I was almost 2cm. Game plan was changing a little bit. As the contractions we increasing in strength and I was still exhausted from the 10 days of early labor. I looked at Clint and we discussed the options of pain management. The IM shot didn't do much but make me feel fuzzy. So I agreed to try the epidural and see if it would work. I wanted to be able to have enough energy to push my son out. I wanted to be awake and alert, so I okay-ed the epidural. The anesthesiologist who did it was wonderful, it took all of five minutes, and seriously, I could have kissed the man, cause he was an excellent stick. (it didn't look like walking was helping, as my contractions were weird when I got back on the monitors)
I was then confined to the bed, as with the epidural, they want you on the monitors, as well as you can't feel much. A catheter was inserted, and thanks to the epidural, didn't feel it. As those suck to feel going in! When I laid on my back, Doomling's heart rate went into the 90's, so I was relegated to my sides to lay on. They kept having me switch to find the better side.
Amanda, after checking me, worked with me to come up with a plan, cause with his heart rate dipping... we needed to have something in place. My natural labor and birth went out the window at this point. Rob and Carol came by as well, and we got to visit with them.
5:30 would come, and she would check me again. If there was no progress, we would do a low level dose of pitocin in my IV. Not an actual induction dose, but to augment the labor. Seeing as I couldn't do the cervical dilation any more as I had dilated to the almost 2cm. See if that pitocin could knock me into active labor.
Not so much. My body apparently doesn't react well to pitocin. Instead of causing contractions, it caused my uterus to contract, and not let go. This is where things get crazy, and slightly fuzzy for me. I will hope Clint, and Sarah can fill in what they can (Sarah was in the room until things went crazy with my youngest SIL). I recall there all of the sudden being a lot of people in my room. The Doomling's heart rate had dropped to the 60's-70's, which is not good, due to the constant contraction. So the goal then was to make sure he and I were healthy. I heard "we're going to put your bed..." "Thud" I was reclined with my feet up. A nurse goes "I am going to give you this" I lost it, crying behind the oxygen mask they had put on me earlier on. I told her I wasn't getting it until I knew what it was, and what it did, and side effects, cause no one was telling me what was going on at that point. It felt like an eternity and no time at all all at once. Amanda had to squat down on my level and talk to me, cause I was scared shitless. She told me what the shot was for as well as that they were going to do a c-section. That it was to make sure than me and the baby were healthy.
What I didn't know at the time was they went to put an internal fetal monitor in, and found blood, a lot of it. They needed to get me and Doomling to the OR and as quickly as they could. Partial placental abruption (the placenta starts to tear away from the uterine wall, hence the bleeding. Vaginal birth is virtually impossible with this, as it leaves risk of death for mom and baby). When Sarah and Mandi left the LDR, they heard a call go out over the hospital speaker requested any available on call OB to F5, my room. I didn't hear this in my room. Now the goal was to get my uterus to stop the contraction so they could do the surgery. 8pm, they wheeled me out of the LDR towards the OR (I am SO thankful Clint was with me through all of this.) The anesthesiologist they got (not the one who did my epi) stated to me, if your epi doesn't work, we'll just knock you out. I stated over my dead body will you keep me from hearing the birth of my son. I turned my head and saw Clint getting the shoe covers on in the hallway. They transferred me to the OR table. I was still crying and shaking, with fear, worry and it wasn't how I wanted this... I wasn't prepared for surgery, I hadn't even fathomed I was going to do anything but a vaginal birth.
I felt numb from the shoulders down. Took me asking the anesthesiologist three times to see if it was normal. Amanda poked her head around the curtain, so I knew at least one person in the OR. I then heard them say they were ready, and I demanded they get Clint, as he wasn't in the room. I think he got there just after they checked to make sure I was numb. He sat by my head. My arms were out in a cross formation. I heard them say that's a lot of blood, and then oh big baby. 8:17pm. And then he cried. And I cried. They took him over to the newborn warmer, and he screamed, a lot... I had Clint go over to watch him. I heard them say something about a floppy uterus, and more blood.
I remember the nurse bringing him over, me touching his cheek, and the anesthesiologist complaining about me having my arm up. The nurse then had Clint sit with the Doomling near me. APGAR's of 8 and 9. (APGAR is how they measure how "healthy" a baby is when they are born, and the scores are done at the 1 minute and 5 minute point, hence two of them) I told Clint to go with the baby. I don't remember being taken to the recovery room, or being sutured/stapled up.
Clint saw me in recovery, I asked to be tilted up a little bit, and blacked out for 5 minutes, maybe 15 or 20 minutes on them. Didn't respond to my name, nothing. I feel bad for how much I worried Clint that night. I remember Clint having me call my Dad. Finally, they took me up to my room. Sarah and Mandi were there. They had brought my/our stuff up. I didn't feel being moved over to the bed. Still had the anesthesia. And a morphine pump. I asked the nurse ASAP for my baby. They brought him in and I held him. And held him. Oh wow, he was the most adorable thing I had ever seen.
You get no rest in the hospital. Sunday saw me getting rid of the morphine pump and the epidural. Percoset every 4 hours to help with the pain. Lord and lady, getting up *hurt*. Clint helped me as much as possible. Drinks, the baby, making sure I was hydrated. Supporting me with breast feeding. Went home on Tuesday, so I could get some sleep.
Doomling is 19 days old today. I value his presence in my life. I can't fathom *not* being a mommy now. He is my heart. Seeing him with Clint makes me melt. And Clint is an amazing father.
I am healing, slowly, but am healing. I am here, with my son, because of the surgery I wasn't prepared for. Looking at him sleeping next to me, I fall more in love with this small person.
Doomling Hauser, 9/27/2008, 8lbs. 8oz, 21" 8:17pm
*************
Little did I know how the c section would affect me mentally, emotionally and physically. I ended up with an infection in my scar a week afterward. I hated the fact I could barely do anything. It took me 12 weeks to feel remotely comfortable driving my car. I realize that with a different provider, I would have still been there with my son, but it could have been the outcome of a different situation...
I am now finally dealing with the issues Doomling's birth has caused me.
Nikki / Doomling Birth Story
Okay, I finally have time to type this up. I will say it ended up in no way easy or all that natural. And I apologize for any details I miss, as I have been busy with a small person as well as some aspects are hard to remember.
My water broke somewhere between midnight and 8am on the 27th. I wondered if it were a trickle, my panties were soaked. I wondered, did I wet myself in my sleep? Could someone sleep through that? Am I crazy for thinking it? Who knows. Got up and went to the bathroom. Trickled, then peed normally, then trickled some more. Looked at Clint and said "I think we maybe going in today, care to cuddle as this may be the last morning we have to do this ourselves?" We cuddled for a little bit, and I waited to see if I still trickled or if my contractions picked up. (Went through two more pairs of panties while waiting.) Called the on call number. Took two tries, and got a call back from Amanda (MW) who had me come into Northside Hospital's Women's Center. Can I tell you it is an experience to try and get a clan pair of panties on, 10 months pregnant, and trying not to drip amniotic fluid on the carpet? Exotic dance, in some cultures, maybe.
Clint and I gather up stuff, as we have a feeling we won't be going home. Get to L and D, get signed in, head back to the LDR room. Talk to Julia (my nurse) as Clint goes to take care of stuff. Gown, and on monitors. Doomling was good, I was contracting (1-2 minutes apart, as per the previous 10 days!). I get changed into my gown, get hooked onto the monitors, and Julia started my paperwork (I swear, they use a tree to admit you). I answer the questions, continue contracting (had to be about noon at this point). Julia does the swab to check for amniotic fluid presence, and it shows nada. She ends up coming back a bit later with Amanda, so they can try the swab again before looking at going to the ferning test option. Yay, on my back... at least plastic duck lips (speculum) this time, Amanda asks me to cough while she swabs. I cough. Clint could see the swab turn blackish blue almost instantly. No going home for us, we were there until we had a baby. Now, I was asked when my fluid broke... not sure, so Amanda went based off of my 8am wake up. Also took three people to get my IV started, and I am not normally a hard stick!
Amanda then checked my dilation, and I was *still* at 1cm. The plan was to walk for an hour, and spend 20 minutes on the monitors to check the little man. So walk Clint and I did. We did laps around the labor and delivery units, I think until 2:55. Got back to my LDR (Labor, Delivery and Recovery room) and got hooked back up after a bio break (I noted to the nurse I hadn't seen that much blood since my last period, and she noted it was normal) Amanda came in and checked me again, she didn't want to check me too often, as with my water broken, higher risk of infection. I was almost 2cm. Game plan was changing a little bit. As the contractions we increasing in strength and I was still exhausted from the 10 days of early labor. I looked at Clint and we discussed the options of pain management. The IM shot didn't do much but make me feel fuzzy. So I agreed to try the epidural and see if it would work. I wanted to be able to have enough energy to push my son out. I wanted to be awake and alert, so I okay-ed the epidural. The anesthesiologist who did it was wonderful, it took all of five minutes, and seriously, I could have kissed the man, cause he was an excellent stick. (it didn't look like walking was helping, as my contractions were weird when I got back on the monitors)
I was then confined to the bed, as with the epidural, they want you on the monitors, as well as you can't feel much. A catheter was inserted, and thanks to the epidural, didn't feel it. As those suck to feel going in! When I laid on my back, Doomling's heart rate went into the 90's, so I was relegated to my sides to lay on. They kept having me switch to find the better side.
Amanda, after checking me, worked with me to come up with a plan, cause with his heart rate dipping... we needed to have something in place. My natural labor and birth went out the window at this point. Rob and Carol came by as well, and we got to visit with them.
5:30 would come, and she would check me again. If there was no progress, we would do a low level dose of pitocin in my IV. Not an actual induction dose, but to augment the labor. Seeing as I couldn't do the cervical dilation any more as I had dilated to the almost 2cm. See if that pitocin could knock me into active labor.
Not so much. My body apparently doesn't react well to pitocin. Instead of causing contractions, it caused my uterus to contract, and not let go. This is where things get crazy, and slightly fuzzy for me. I will hope Clint, and Sarah can fill in what they can (Sarah was in the room until things went crazy with my youngest SIL). I recall there all of the sudden being a lot of people in my room. The Doomling's heart rate had dropped to the 60's-70's, which is not good, due to the constant contraction. So the goal then was to make sure he and I were healthy. I heard "we're going to put your bed..." "Thud" I was reclined with my feet up. A nurse goes "I am going to give you this" I lost it, crying behind the oxygen mask they had put on me earlier on. I told her I wasn't getting it until I knew what it was, and what it did, and side effects, cause no one was telling me what was going on at that point. It felt like an eternity and no time at all all at once. Amanda had to squat down on my level and talk to me, cause I was scared shitless. She told me what the shot was for as well as that they were going to do a c-section. That it was to make sure than me and the baby were healthy.
What I didn't know at the time was they went to put an internal fetal monitor in, and found blood, a lot of it. They needed to get me and Doomling to the OR and as quickly as they could. Partial placental abruption (the placenta starts to tear away from the uterine wall, hence the bleeding. Vaginal birth is virtually impossible with this, as it leaves risk of death for mom and baby). When Sarah and Mandi left the LDR, they heard a call go out over the hospital speaker requested any available on call OB to F5, my room. I didn't hear this in my room. Now the goal was to get my uterus to stop the contraction so they could do the surgery. 8pm, they wheeled me out of the LDR towards the OR (I am SO thankful Clint was with me through all of this.) The anesthesiologist they got (not the one who did my epi) stated to me, if your epi doesn't work, we'll just knock you out. I stated over my dead body will you keep me from hearing the birth of my son. I turned my head and saw Clint getting the shoe covers on in the hallway. They transferred me to the OR table. I was still crying and shaking, with fear, worry and it wasn't how I wanted this... I wasn't prepared for surgery, I hadn't even fathomed I was going to do anything but a vaginal birth.
I felt numb from the shoulders down. Took me asking the anesthesiologist three times to see if it was normal. Amanda poked her head around the curtain, so I knew at least one person in the OR. I then heard them say they were ready, and I demanded they get Clint, as he wasn't in the room. I think he got there just after they checked to make sure I was numb. He sat by my head. My arms were out in a cross formation. I heard them say that's a lot of blood, and then oh big baby. 8:17pm. And then he cried. And I cried. They took him over to the newborn warmer, and he screamed, a lot... I had Clint go over to watch him. I heard them say something about a floppy uterus, and more blood.
I remember the nurse bringing him over, me touching his cheek, and the anesthesiologist complaining about me having my arm up. The nurse then had Clint sit with the Doomling near me. APGAR's of 8 and 9. (APGAR is how they measure how "healthy" a baby is when they are born, and the scores are done at the 1 minute and 5 minute point, hence two of them) I told Clint to go with the baby. I don't remember being taken to the recovery room, or being sutured/stapled up.
Clint saw me in recovery, I asked to be tilted up a little bit, and blacked out for 5 minutes, maybe 15 or 20 minutes on them. Didn't respond to my name, nothing. I feel bad for how much I worried Clint that night. I remember Clint having me call my Dad. Finally, they took me up to my room. Sarah and Mandi were there. They had brought my/our stuff up. I didn't feel being moved over to the bed. Still had the anesthesia. And a morphine pump. I asked the nurse ASAP for my baby. They brought him in and I held him. And held him. Oh wow, he was the most adorable thing I had ever seen.
You get no rest in the hospital. Sunday saw me getting rid of the morphine pump and the epidural. Percoset every 4 hours to help with the pain. Lord and lady, getting up *hurt*. Clint helped me as much as possible. Drinks, the baby, making sure I was hydrated. Supporting me with breast feeding. Went home on Tuesday, so I could get some sleep.
Doomling is 19 days old today. I value his presence in my life. I can't fathom *not* being a mommy now. He is my heart. Seeing him with Clint makes me melt. And Clint is an amazing father.
I am healing, slowly, but am healing. I am here, with my son, because of the surgery I wasn't prepared for. Looking at him sleeping next to me, I fall more in love with this small person.
Doomling Hauser, 9/27/2008, 8lbs. 8oz, 21" 8:17pm
*************
Little did I know how the c section would affect me mentally, emotionally and physically. I ended up with an infection in my scar a week afterward. I hated the fact I could barely do anything. It took me 12 weeks to feel remotely comfortable driving my car. I realize that with a different provider, I would have still been there with my son, but it could have been the outcome of a different situation...
I am now finally dealing with the issues Doomling's birth has caused me.
20 October, 2010
Seeing websites like this excite me...
Trying to get people to think in the context of "Birth is normal" as opposed to "Birth is an emergency that must be managed within an inch of the end of time" is a difficult task. It is quite a large one, looking at the the almost 33% cesarean rate we have in the United States.
It pleases me to see organizations working towards choices for women when it comes to their birth arena. I may not have taken the option of a homebirth with a CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife) or CPM (Certified Professional Midwife), I support the right of women to chose that option. Women need to be comfortable for birth to progress as it should. I have the option, should I want it here in the state of Georgia. Alabama is a different story. I applaud the Alabama Birth Coalition for what they are working for. Women should not be forced to chose the lesser of evils when it comes to birth.
It pleases me to see organizations working towards choices for women when it comes to their birth arena. I may not have taken the option of a homebirth with a CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife) or CPM (Certified Professional Midwife), I support the right of women to chose that option. Women need to be comfortable for birth to progress as it should. I have the option, should I want it here in the state of Georgia. Alabama is a different story. I applaud the Alabama Birth Coalition for what they are working for. Women should not be forced to chose the lesser of evils when it comes to birth.
13 October, 2010
What is normal?
Normal in my life is two children, who are happy with their milk. A 9 week old, who is still learning her way with this "nursing" thing, and squeaks, gulps and coos with her milky grin. A 2 year old who is an old hat at nursing. He says "Please, more milk" when he wants to nurse (as he really does not talk yet). He curls his body around my midsection and cuddles while he nurses. This is a bedtime ritual.
My normal is seeing the growth that my milk has allowed my children. Seeing them smile at me. Seeing the special time I have with each one of them. These normal moments are ones I treasure. Ones I know may not be much longer with my son. I aim to nurse my daughter for at least as long as I have my son.
While it can be challenging, I don't change it for the world. Knowing that I have given a small part of my life, to make theirs better is more than worth it to me. As I watch them sleep, I smile and know that I love them with all my heart.
My normal is seeing the growth that my milk has allowed my children. Seeing them smile at me. Seeing the special time I have with each one of them. These normal moments are ones I treasure. Ones I know may not be much longer with my son. I aim to nurse my daughter for at least as long as I have my son.
While it can be challenging, I don't change it for the world. Knowing that I have given a small part of my life, to make theirs better is more than worth it to me. As I watch them sleep, I smile and know that I love them with all my heart.
An excellent read...
I repost, and include the link where this article originates from.
Normal Newborn Behavior and Why Breastmilk Isn't Just Food
What is a normal, term human infant supposed to do?
First of all, a human baby is supposed to be born vaginally. Yes, I know that doesn't always happen, but we're just going to talk ideal, normal for now. We are supposed to be born vaginally because we need good bacteria. Human babies are sterile, without bacteria, at birth. It's no accident that we are born near the anus, an area that has lots of bacteria, most of which are good and necessary for normal gut health and development of the immune system. And the bacteria that are there are mom's bacteria, bacteria that she can provide antibodies against if the bacteria there aren't nice.
Then the baby is born and is supposed to go to mom. Right to her chest. The chest, right in between the breasts is the natural habitat of the newborn baby. (Fun fact: our cardiac output, how much blood we circulate in a given minute, is distributed to places that are important. Lots goes to the kidney every minute, like 10% or so, and 20% goes to your brain. In a new mom, 23% goes to her chest- more than her brain. The body thinks that place is important!)
That chest area gives heat. The baby has been using mom's body for temperature regulation for ages. Why would they stop? With all that blood flow, it's going to be warm. The baby can use mom to get warm. When I was in my residency, we would put a cold baby "under the warmer" which meant a heater thingy next to mom. Now, as I have matured, if a baby is "under the warmer," the kid is under mom. I wouldn't like that. I like the kids on top of mom, snuggled.
Now we have a brand new baby on the warmer. That child is not hungry. Bringing a hungry baby into the world is a bad plan. And really, if they were hungry, can you please explain to me why my kids sucked the life force out of me in those last few weeks of pregnancy? They better have been getting food, or well, that would have been annoying and painful for nothing.
Every species has instinctual behaviors that allow the little ones to grow up to be big ones and keep the species going. Our kids are born into the world needing protection. Protection from disease and from predators. Yes, predators. Our kids don't know they've been born into a loving family in the 21st century- for all they know it's the 2nd century and they are in a cave surrounded by tigers. Our instinctive behaviors as baby humans need to help us stay protected. Babies get both disease protection and tiger protection from being on mom's chest. Presumably, we gave the baby some good bacteria when they arrived through the birth canal. That's the first step in disease protection. The next step is getting colostrum.
A newborn baby on mom's chest will pick their head up, lick their hands, maybe nuzzle mom, lick their hands and start to slide towards the breast. The kids have a preference for contrasts between light and dark, and for circles over other shapes. Think about that...there's a dark circle not too far away.
Mom's sweat smells like amniotic fluid, and that smell is on the child's hands (because there's been no bath yet!) and the baby uses that taste on their hand to follow mom's smell. The secretions coming from the glands on the areola (that dark circle) smell familiar too and help the baby get to the breast to get the colostrum which is going to feed the good bacteria and keep them protected from infection. The kids can attach by themselves. Watch for yourself! And if you just need colostrum to feed bacteria and not yourself, well, there doesn't have to be much. And there isn't because the kids aren't hungry and because Breastmilk is not food!
We're talking normal babies. Breastfeeding is normal. It's what babies are hardwired to do. 2009 or 209, the kids would all do the same thing: try to find the breast. Breastfeeding isn't special sauce, a leg up or a magic potion. It's not "best." It's normal. Just normal. Designed for the needs of a vulnerable human infant. And nothing else designed to replace it is normal.
Colostrum also activates things in the baby's gut that then goes on to make the thymus grow. The thymus is part of the immune system. Growing your thymus is important. Breastmilk= big thymus, good immune system. Colostrum also has a bunch of something called Secretory Immunoglobulin A (SIgA). SIgA is made in the first few days of life and is infection protection specifically from mom. Cells in mom's gut watch what's coming through and if there's an infectious cell, a special cell in mom's gut called a plasma cell heads to the breast and helps the breast make SIgA in the milk to protect the baby. If mom and baby are together, like on mom's chest, then the baby is protected from what the two of them may be exposed to. Babies should be with mom.
And the tigers. What about them? Define "tiger" however you want. But if you are baby with no skills in self-protection, staying with mom, having a grasp reflex, and a startle reflex that helps you grab onto your mom, especially if she's hairy, makes sense. Babies know the difference between a bassinette and a human chest. When infants are separated from their mothers, they have a "despair- withdrawal" response. The despair part comes when they alone, separated. The kids are vocally expressing their desire not to be tiger food. When they are picked up, they stop crying. They are protected, warm and safe. If that despair cry is not answered, they withdraw. They get cold, have massive amounts of stress hormones released, drop their heart rate and get quiet. That's not a good baby. That's one who, well, is beyond despair. Normal babies want to be held, all the time.
And when do tigers hunt? At night. It makes no sense at all for our kids to sleep at night. They may be eaten. There's nothing really all that great about kids sleeping through the night. They should wake up and find their body guard. Daytime, well, not so many threats. They sleep better during the day. (Think about our response to our tigers-- sleep problems are a huge part of stress, depression, anxiety.)
And sleep... My guess is everybody sleeps with their kids- whether they choose to or not and whether they admit to it or not. It's silly of us as healthcare providers to say "don't sleep with your baby" because we all do it. Sometimes accidentally. Sometimes intentionally. The kids are snuggly, it feels right and you are tired. So, normal babies breastfeed, stay at the breast, want to be held and sleep better when they are with their parents. Seems normal to me. But there is a difference between a normal baby and one that isn't. Safe sleep means that we are sober, in bed and not a couch or a recliner, breastfeeding, not smoking...being normal. If the circumstances are not normal, then sleeping with the baby is not safe.
That chest -to -chest contact is also brain development. Our kids had as many brain cells as they were ever going to have at 28 weeks of gestation. It's a jungle of waiting -to-be- connected cells. What we do as humans is create too much and then get rid of what we aren't using. We have like 8 nipples, a tail and webbed hands in the womb. If all goes well, we don't have those at birth. Create too much- get rid of what you aren't using. So, as you are snuggling, your child is hooking up happy brain cells and hopefully getting rid of the "eeeek" brain cells. Breastfeeding, skin-to-skin, is brain wiring. Not food.
Why go on and on about this? Because more and more mothers are choosing to breastfeed. But most women don't believe that the body that created that beautiful baby is capable of feeding that same child and we are supplementing more and more with infant formulas designed to be food. Why don't we trust our bodies post-partum? I don't know. But I hear over and over that the formula is because "I am just not satisfying him." Of course you are. Babies don't need to "eat" all the time- they need to be with you all the time- that's the ultimate satisfaction.
A baby at the breast is getting their immune system developed, activating their thymus, staying warm, feeling safe from predators, having normal sleep patterns and wiring their brain, and (oh by the way) getting some food in the process. They are not "hungry" --they are obeying instinct. The instinct that allows us to survive and make more of us.
Dr. Thomas
First of all, a human baby is supposed to be born vaginally. Yes, I know that doesn't always happen, but we're just going to talk ideal, normal for now. We are supposed to be born vaginally because we need good bacteria. Human babies are sterile, without bacteria, at birth. It's no accident that we are born near the anus, an area that has lots of bacteria, most of which are good and necessary for normal gut health and development of the immune system. And the bacteria that are there are mom's bacteria, bacteria that she can provide antibodies against if the bacteria there aren't nice.
Then the baby is born and is supposed to go to mom. Right to her chest. The chest, right in between the breasts is the natural habitat of the newborn baby. (Fun fact: our cardiac output, how much blood we circulate in a given minute, is distributed to places that are important. Lots goes to the kidney every minute, like 10% or so, and 20% goes to your brain. In a new mom, 23% goes to her chest- more than her brain. The body thinks that place is important!)
That chest area gives heat. The baby has been using mom's body for temperature regulation for ages. Why would they stop? With all that blood flow, it's going to be warm. The baby can use mom to get warm. When I was in my residency, we would put a cold baby "under the warmer" which meant a heater thingy next to mom. Now, as I have matured, if a baby is "under the warmer," the kid is under mom. I wouldn't like that. I like the kids on top of mom, snuggled.
Now we have a brand new baby on the warmer. That child is not hungry. Bringing a hungry baby into the world is a bad plan. And really, if they were hungry, can you please explain to me why my kids sucked the life force out of me in those last few weeks of pregnancy? They better have been getting food, or well, that would have been annoying and painful for nothing.
Every species has instinctual behaviors that allow the little ones to grow up to be big ones and keep the species going. Our kids are born into the world needing protection. Protection from disease and from predators. Yes, predators. Our kids don't know they've been born into a loving family in the 21st century- for all they know it's the 2nd century and they are in a cave surrounded by tigers. Our instinctive behaviors as baby humans need to help us stay protected. Babies get both disease protection and tiger protection from being on mom's chest. Presumably, we gave the baby some good bacteria when they arrived through the birth canal. That's the first step in disease protection. The next step is getting colostrum.
A newborn baby on mom's chest will pick their head up, lick their hands, maybe nuzzle mom, lick their hands and start to slide towards the breast. The kids have a preference for contrasts between light and dark, and for circles over other shapes. Think about that...there's a dark circle not too far away.
Mom's sweat smells like amniotic fluid, and that smell is on the child's hands (because there's been no bath yet!) and the baby uses that taste on their hand to follow mom's smell. The secretions coming from the glands on the areola (that dark circle) smell familiar too and help the baby get to the breast to get the colostrum which is going to feed the good bacteria and keep them protected from infection. The kids can attach by themselves. Watch for yourself! And if you just need colostrum to feed bacteria and not yourself, well, there doesn't have to be much. And there isn't because the kids aren't hungry and because Breastmilk is not food!
We're talking normal babies. Breastfeeding is normal. It's what babies are hardwired to do. 2009 or 209, the kids would all do the same thing: try to find the breast. Breastfeeding isn't special sauce, a leg up or a magic potion. It's not "best." It's normal. Just normal. Designed for the needs of a vulnerable human infant. And nothing else designed to replace it is normal.
Colostrum also activates things in the baby's gut that then goes on to make the thymus grow. The thymus is part of the immune system. Growing your thymus is important. Breastmilk= big thymus, good immune system. Colostrum also has a bunch of something called Secretory Immunoglobulin A (SIgA). SIgA is made in the first few days of life and is infection protection specifically from mom. Cells in mom's gut watch what's coming through and if there's an infectious cell, a special cell in mom's gut called a plasma cell heads to the breast and helps the breast make SIgA in the milk to protect the baby. If mom and baby are together, like on mom's chest, then the baby is protected from what the two of them may be exposed to. Babies should be with mom.
And the tigers. What about them? Define "tiger" however you want. But if you are baby with no skills in self-protection, staying with mom, having a grasp reflex, and a startle reflex that helps you grab onto your mom, especially if she's hairy, makes sense. Babies know the difference between a bassinette and a human chest. When infants are separated from their mothers, they have a "despair- withdrawal" response. The despair part comes when they alone, separated. The kids are vocally expressing their desire not to be tiger food. When they are picked up, they stop crying. They are protected, warm and safe. If that despair cry is not answered, they withdraw. They get cold, have massive amounts of stress hormones released, drop their heart rate and get quiet. That's not a good baby. That's one who, well, is beyond despair. Normal babies want to be held, all the time.
And when do tigers hunt? At night. It makes no sense at all for our kids to sleep at night. They may be eaten. There's nothing really all that great about kids sleeping through the night. They should wake up and find their body guard. Daytime, well, not so many threats. They sleep better during the day. (Think about our response to our tigers-- sleep problems are a huge part of stress, depression, anxiety.)
And sleep... My guess is everybody sleeps with their kids- whether they choose to or not and whether they admit to it or not. It's silly of us as healthcare providers to say "don't sleep with your baby" because we all do it. Sometimes accidentally. Sometimes intentionally. The kids are snuggly, it feels right and you are tired. So, normal babies breastfeed, stay at the breast, want to be held and sleep better when they are with their parents. Seems normal to me. But there is a difference between a normal baby and one that isn't. Safe sleep means that we are sober, in bed and not a couch or a recliner, breastfeeding, not smoking...being normal. If the circumstances are not normal, then sleeping with the baby is not safe.
That chest -to -chest contact is also brain development. Our kids had as many brain cells as they were ever going to have at 28 weeks of gestation. It's a jungle of waiting -to-be- connected cells. What we do as humans is create too much and then get rid of what we aren't using. We have like 8 nipples, a tail and webbed hands in the womb. If all goes well, we don't have those at birth. Create too much- get rid of what you aren't using. So, as you are snuggling, your child is hooking up happy brain cells and hopefully getting rid of the "eeeek" brain cells. Breastfeeding, skin-to-skin, is brain wiring. Not food.
Why go on and on about this? Because more and more mothers are choosing to breastfeed. But most women don't believe that the body that created that beautiful baby is capable of feeding that same child and we are supplementing more and more with infant formulas designed to be food. Why don't we trust our bodies post-partum? I don't know. But I hear over and over that the formula is because "I am just not satisfying him." Of course you are. Babies don't need to "eat" all the time- they need to be with you all the time- that's the ultimate satisfaction.
A baby at the breast is getting their immune system developed, activating their thymus, staying warm, feeling safe from predators, having normal sleep patterns and wiring their brain, and (oh by the way) getting some food in the process. They are not "hungry" --they are obeying instinct. The instinct that allows us to survive and make more of us.
Dr. Thomas
12 October, 2010
Another day, another... Oh, shiny!
New format, same thoughts and views.
A little bit of organization to allow me to straighten out my thoughts.
Why am I here? Not as a being on the planet. Why am I yammering away on the interwebs, to potentially just myself, when I could write a paper journal or just make lists of things? It gives me someplace to put my thoughts. Allow me to connect with others who may share my views, and some who may not. Connect with fellow parents. Post my projects, as I am trying to craft more.
What are issues close to my heart? Informed consent (in general), VBACs, birth, breastfeeding, parenting, gender equality, and many more. I likely discuss views that others may take opposition to, and that is okay. Civil debate is accepted. Flaming is not.
For now, I am going to pull my 2 year old off of my leg and handle mama stuff.
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