can represent so many things.
The leaves off trees. The falling into love. Falling into a low place.
You can also fall up. And I fin myself falling up. Heading into an unknown, but good path. For once I am not scared of the change so much as trying to embrace it.
So very much to look forward to :D
23 November, 2011
19 September, 2011
Late night musings...
A lot of thoughts have been going through my mind lately. In no specific order:
9/11: The short story: I remember, I will never forget.
Longer story. I remember where I was, who was around, the fact I watched with a dozen students standing around me... the fact my pup that night saved my life by giving me a purpose I badly needed in a time of mental turmoil in my life. (It had been even before 9/11)
School: I have started back and am officially enjoying all three classes. This week sees me doing my BLS (Basic Life Support) training. Then the next 2 weeks see me working form the school library. Online classes are going well. I lie the topics, and am enjoying what I am learning.
Kids: They are growing like weeds. And it looks like I went from having one barely potty training to have two who are. My almost 3 yo is finally taking an interest in potty training at home and not just school, and add my 13 month old daughter who pointed at the potty the other day. So I set her on it and she went. Did it again yesterday and today. She pointed in the potty today and clapped. I am in awe at how whip smart she is. Both kids truly are.
Life with the hubby is decent. Work is good for him and the fact my goal for working is getting closer helps.We are getting a lot more in the way of family time. We are both getting our time out alone and together. It helps immensely.
I am trying to find myself and where I am as me and being the mother of two, rather than comparing myself to who I thought I was a decade ago.
9/11: The short story: I remember, I will never forget.
Longer story. I remember where I was, who was around, the fact I watched with a dozen students standing around me... the fact my pup that night saved my life by giving me a purpose I badly needed in a time of mental turmoil in my life. (It had been even before 9/11)
School: I have started back and am officially enjoying all three classes. This week sees me doing my BLS (Basic Life Support) training. Then the next 2 weeks see me working form the school library. Online classes are going well. I lie the topics, and am enjoying what I am learning.
Kids: They are growing like weeds. And it looks like I went from having one barely potty training to have two who are. My almost 3 yo is finally taking an interest in potty training at home and not just school, and add my 13 month old daughter who pointed at the potty the other day. So I set her on it and she went. Did it again yesterday and today. She pointed in the potty today and clapped. I am in awe at how whip smart she is. Both kids truly are.
Life with the hubby is decent. Work is good for him and the fact my goal for working is getting closer helps.We are getting a lot more in the way of family time. We are both getting our time out alone and together. It helps immensely.
I am trying to find myself and where I am as me and being the mother of two, rather than comparing myself to who I thought I was a decade ago.
23 August, 2011
Summer, where have you gone?
This summer has been long, yet short. No classes for me this year, so one would think I would actually have some time. That answer is no. Medical appointments, therapies, play dates, errands and meetings (with a trip or two thrown in) have managed to take up my time and lead me back to classes.
School. I wanted to go get my BSN. Alas, the way a lot of schools are working, you test a year+ before you actually start taking actual nursing classes. Which leaves me at 3-5 years before I graduate and start working. That is too long for me.
What can I do, I want to be in the medical field and help people... Hey, what about the EMT-I program at the local 2 year? I go through the process, I apply. I get all the documents submitted. Crickets.
I finally get a message that I need to take the Math portion of the entrance exam, as I don't have the right type of math class on my transcript. Take that. Finally get my acceptance letter forever and a day later, too later for me to register in the regular registration period. I am required to go to final registration.
I arrange for child care for DD, as she is generally home with me. Drop the kids off and trek my way northward to the campus I am required to attend registration at. I had received no information other than this time at this location. No room number, no building. Just the campus. *boggle*
I finally get parked, after being sent back and forth between two buildings. Frustration is an understatement at this point. No signage on campus. No information on doors. I start questioning my decision to switch schools during this mess.
I finally get to the right building, and apparently bypassed the sign in line and ended up in the right room, where a woman talks down to me, claiming to understand my situation. "You don;t need to worry, things will be covered by financial aid" "Ma'am, I don't have financial aid" as one example.
I get through the most exasperating process of registering, as I just need to be in the system. Then, I get the heck out of there. I just couldn't leave fast enough. I go run an errand or two and get DD. I head home and just decompress. I had to wait for Saturday to actually log in and wait to see if enough people got booted for lack of payment to see if I could create a schedule that would work for me.
Thankfully there was. What are you taking? Thank you for asking!
ALHS 1040 – Introduction to Health Care : Introduces a grouping of fundamental principles, practices, and issues common in the health care profession. In addition to the essential skills, students explore various delivery systems and related issues. Topics include: basic life support/CPR, basic emergency care/first aid and triage, vital signs, infection control/blood and air-borne pathogens
ALHS 1060 – Diet and Nutrition for Allied Health Science : ) A study of the nutritional needs of the individual. Topics include: nutrients, standard and modified diets, nutrition throughout the lifespan, and client education
ALHS 1090 – Medical Terminology for Allied Health Science : Introduces the elements of medical terminology. Emphasis is placed on building familiarity with medical words through knowledge of roots, prefixes, and suffixes. Topics include: origins (roots, prefixes, and suffixes), word building, abbreviations and symbols, and terminology related to the human anatomy
These are all classes that work towards the Health Care Assistant Certificate, which is the program you must be admitted to in order to apply to the EMT Certificate program. All three classes should be interesting.
My books were a different story! I was smart an ordered all of my large textbooks from Amazon. I should have them in my hands on Wednesday (yay for Amazon Prime!). I had to go to campus for my American Heart Association BLS (basic life support) book and my "personal protection" kit (mask, booties, clothing cover, gloves and a hair cap... will be on all the runways next season, I swear!). It took me an hour+ to get into the store and purchase these two items that were less than $25.00. Sheer insanity. The school bookstore is smaller than my living room/dining room area! Thankfully, my DD was good, and folks smiled while she was singing and chattering in line. Again, no signage as to where the bookstore was, and the first sign I saw IN a building, had the wrong room number! Crazy!!!
I make it through and head home.
I've printed my syllabi, have started the online reading for the two classes and emailed my on campus instructor about me missing class next Friday (trip to see my family due to a memorial service for my aunt).
And now, I head off to get things done... Zumba, reading and child wrangling. Some cleaning and laundry, too! Need a time turner...
School. I wanted to go get my BSN. Alas, the way a lot of schools are working, you test a year+ before you actually start taking actual nursing classes. Which leaves me at 3-5 years before I graduate and start working. That is too long for me.
What can I do, I want to be in the medical field and help people... Hey, what about the EMT-I program at the local 2 year? I go through the process, I apply. I get all the documents submitted. Crickets.
I finally get a message that I need to take the Math portion of the entrance exam, as I don't have the right type of math class on my transcript. Take that. Finally get my acceptance letter forever and a day later, too later for me to register in the regular registration period. I am required to go to final registration.
I arrange for child care for DD, as she is generally home with me. Drop the kids off and trek my way northward to the campus I am required to attend registration at. I had received no information other than this time at this location. No room number, no building. Just the campus. *boggle*
I finally get parked, after being sent back and forth between two buildings. Frustration is an understatement at this point. No signage on campus. No information on doors. I start questioning my decision to switch schools during this mess.
I finally get to the right building, and apparently bypassed the sign in line and ended up in the right room, where a woman talks down to me, claiming to understand my situation. "You don;t need to worry, things will be covered by financial aid" "Ma'am, I don't have financial aid" as one example.
I get through the most exasperating process of registering, as I just need to be in the system. Then, I get the heck out of there. I just couldn't leave fast enough. I go run an errand or two and get DD. I head home and just decompress. I had to wait for Saturday to actually log in and wait to see if enough people got booted for lack of payment to see if I could create a schedule that would work for me.
Thankfully there was. What are you taking? Thank you for asking!
ALHS 1040 – Introduction to Health Care : Introduces a grouping of fundamental principles, practices, and issues common in the health care profession. In addition to the essential skills, students explore various delivery systems and related issues. Topics include: basic life support/CPR, basic emergency care/first aid and triage, vital signs, infection control/blood and air-borne pathogens
ALHS 1060 – Diet and Nutrition for Allied Health Science : ) A study of the nutritional needs of the individual. Topics include: nutrients, standard and modified diets, nutrition throughout the lifespan, and client education
ALHS 1090 – Medical Terminology for Allied Health Science : Introduces the elements of medical terminology. Emphasis is placed on building familiarity with medical words through knowledge of roots, prefixes, and suffixes. Topics include: origins (roots, prefixes, and suffixes), word building, abbreviations and symbols, and terminology related to the human anatomy
These are all classes that work towards the Health Care Assistant Certificate, which is the program you must be admitted to in order to apply to the EMT Certificate program. All three classes should be interesting.
My books were a different story! I was smart an ordered all of my large textbooks from Amazon. I should have them in my hands on Wednesday (yay for Amazon Prime!). I had to go to campus for my American Heart Association BLS (basic life support) book and my "personal protection" kit (mask, booties, clothing cover, gloves and a hair cap... will be on all the runways next season, I swear!). It took me an hour+ to get into the store and purchase these two items that were less than $25.00. Sheer insanity. The school bookstore is smaller than my living room/dining room area! Thankfully, my DD was good, and folks smiled while she was singing and chattering in line. Again, no signage as to where the bookstore was, and the first sign I saw IN a building, had the wrong room number! Crazy!!!
I make it through and head home.
I've printed my syllabi, have started the online reading for the two classes and emailed my on campus instructor about me missing class next Friday (trip to see my family due to a memorial service for my aunt).
And now, I head off to get things done... Zumba, reading and child wrangling. Some cleaning and laundry, too! Need a time turner...
22 August, 2011
Trying to push forward.
And I have already derailed my promise to myself. I think of writing, often. I just don't follow through. Any other parents do that? Do you often fail to produce on promises for yourself? I find I do it more often than not. It is frustrating.
Here on out, I have to be better about this. Too much on my plate to drop any of it.
I admit, I am stressed and worried. A lot going on.
DS had his arena assessment with the local government school system. He turns 3 next month, and that ages him out of the EI services he has been receiving (if you are not familiar with EI, Early intervention services are concerned with all the basic and brand new skills that babies typically develop during the first three years of life: ie speech, listening or walking. DS has been receiving speech services since October. EI is available to qualifying children based on having or being at risk of serious developmental delays ).
DS hasn't had the easiest of roads. I have posted his birth story previously. It was not a good experience for me. He likely wasn't quite done baking. A lot of this is covered in that post. The first ear infection we caught was at 5 months. It took two rounds of oral antibiotics and three IM shots to break it. and that started our months of constant ear infections. Rounds upon rounds of anitbiotics and the probiotics to prevent thrush in him and me, as we are a breastfeeding household. Finally, at 18 months of age, we were sent to the ENT, because we were already seeing language issue due to DS not being able to hear.
The practice has 6 doctors on staff. One of them is a DO, and I prefer to be as conservative as possible, so we went with him. (note: I thought about chiropractic, but was worried had we spent another 3-6 months doing treatment that may or may not work, we would be ooking at further hearing/speech issues that we were already facing) DS was examined, audiology testing done and results given... my son was hearing the teacher from Peanuts while sitting under water. Considering he had had fluid in his ears nonstop for 13 months at that point, and we were seeing the manifesting of issues due to it, we went with PE tubes. Tube date was set, we did pre-surgery hearing test and got everything set up.
Ironically, April 1 was the date to have the placed. I was ~5 months pregnant with our DD. Thankfully, they allowed me to carry DS back to the OR, and stay with him until the "Vadar" mask worked to let him sleep. It is literally a 5 minute procedure, but it is the longest 5 minutes in the world. When the Dr. came back to the family room my MIL and I were, I was ready to jump out of my skin. We were able to go back and join him about 10 minutes later.
I held him, and once he was drinking we were able to head out. He was hungry, so we stopped for food. For the first time even, DS complained about the noise of a restaurant. From there, we headed home. About an hour later, I heard DS hum for the first time ever. I about cried! I heard 'Mama' about a month later. We went for his post-op appointment in May, where hearing showed normal! Set up a follow up appointment for November and continued forward.
We fast forward to August, and I give birth to DD. DS adores his baby sister. This is almost five months after the tubes, and DS's vocabulary was not growing. So I called the children's program in our state. September and October saw us going through intake assessment and his evaluation. The evaluation team had notes, these notes stated that DS was borderline for services. What they saw and what they gathered from us, pushed DS's need from 'wait and see', to 'needs services'.
The SLP (Speech Language Pathologist) who was on our evaluation team ended up as DS's ST (speech therapy). And it was obvious they clicked. Oh, not to say that DS would fight at times, but he trusted her, and he worked hard. We dealt not only with speech issues, but lack of oral awareness as well as handling the fact that my son is hypo-sensitive to touch. He needs heavy touch to give the right response. Sadly, we moved in February and had to switch areas. This meant a new SLP for DS. And we get things rolling there.
The summer saw us hit an OT assessment as well as his assessment with the school system, as he ages out of EI soon. Sensory issues are confirmed, and speech looks like it will be continued. I attended his IFSP meeting (goal setting) with his SLP and his case manager.
Now, we wait for the IEP meeting with the school that would be his, if he gets pre school services.
Challenges, we'll face you and overcome. I just want what is best for my little boy. We continue to work with him and move forward, ever forward.
Here on out, I have to be better about this. Too much on my plate to drop any of it.
I admit, I am stressed and worried. A lot going on.
DS had his arena assessment with the local government school system. He turns 3 next month, and that ages him out of the EI services he has been receiving (if you are not familiar with EI, Early intervention services are concerned with all the basic and brand new skills that babies typically develop during the first three years of life: ie speech, listening or walking. DS has been receiving speech services since October. EI is available to qualifying children based on having or being at risk of serious developmental delays ).
DS hasn't had the easiest of roads. I have posted his birth story previously. It was not a good experience for me. He likely wasn't quite done baking. A lot of this is covered in that post. The first ear infection we caught was at 5 months. It took two rounds of oral antibiotics and three IM shots to break it. and that started our months of constant ear infections. Rounds upon rounds of anitbiotics and the probiotics to prevent thrush in him and me, as we are a breastfeeding household. Finally, at 18 months of age, we were sent to the ENT, because we were already seeing language issue due to DS not being able to hear.
The practice has 6 doctors on staff. One of them is a DO, and I prefer to be as conservative as possible, so we went with him. (note: I thought about chiropractic, but was worried had we spent another 3-6 months doing treatment that may or may not work, we would be ooking at further hearing/speech issues that we were already facing) DS was examined, audiology testing done and results given... my son was hearing the teacher from Peanuts while sitting under water. Considering he had had fluid in his ears nonstop for 13 months at that point, and we were seeing the manifesting of issues due to it, we went with PE tubes. Tube date was set, we did pre-surgery hearing test and got everything set up.
Ironically, April 1 was the date to have the placed. I was ~5 months pregnant with our DD. Thankfully, they allowed me to carry DS back to the OR, and stay with him until the "Vadar" mask worked to let him sleep. It is literally a 5 minute procedure, but it is the longest 5 minutes in the world. When the Dr. came back to the family room my MIL and I were, I was ready to jump out of my skin. We were able to go back and join him about 10 minutes later.
I held him, and once he was drinking we were able to head out. He was hungry, so we stopped for food. For the first time even, DS complained about the noise of a restaurant. From there, we headed home. About an hour later, I heard DS hum for the first time ever. I about cried! I heard 'Mama' about a month later. We went for his post-op appointment in May, where hearing showed normal! Set up a follow up appointment for November and continued forward.
We fast forward to August, and I give birth to DD. DS adores his baby sister. This is almost five months after the tubes, and DS's vocabulary was not growing. So I called the children's program in our state. September and October saw us going through intake assessment and his evaluation. The evaluation team had notes, these notes stated that DS was borderline for services. What they saw and what they gathered from us, pushed DS's need from 'wait and see', to 'needs services'.
The SLP (Speech Language Pathologist) who was on our evaluation team ended up as DS's ST (speech therapy). And it was obvious they clicked. Oh, not to say that DS would fight at times, but he trusted her, and he worked hard. We dealt not only with speech issues, but lack of oral awareness as well as handling the fact that my son is hypo-sensitive to touch. He needs heavy touch to give the right response. Sadly, we moved in February and had to switch areas. This meant a new SLP for DS. And we get things rolling there.
The summer saw us hit an OT assessment as well as his assessment with the school system, as he ages out of EI soon. Sensory issues are confirmed, and speech looks like it will be continued. I attended his IFSP meeting (goal setting) with his SLP and his case manager.
Now, we wait for the IEP meeting with the school that would be his, if he gets pre school services.
Challenges, we'll face you and overcome. I just want what is best for my little boy. We continue to work with him and move forward, ever forward.
05 August, 2011
Scattered writings, mama brain and life
I keep saying I am going to update this thing. And then I "promise" to myself, I am going to update.
I just need to get off my arse and do it. How many mamas out there do this to themselves on a regular basis? it usually isn't reference to a blog. It is our hair, clothes, choice of activities or a book.
What do I want to write about?
Mom to two, tandem nursing, nursing in general, being a student. I am trying to reclaim myself in a way, as I got lost somewhere when motherhood took over. Mother is not everything I am, but it colors everything I do.
I am making a birthday promis to myself. I get 15 minutes everyday to write, no matter what. It is my gift to myself, and I hope I can find the balanced me in there, someplace :D
I just need to get off my arse and do it. How many mamas out there do this to themselves on a regular basis? it usually isn't reference to a blog. It is our hair, clothes, choice of activities or a book.
What do I want to write about?
Mom to two, tandem nursing, nursing in general, being a student. I am trying to reclaim myself in a way, as I got lost somewhere when motherhood took over. Mother is not everything I am, but it colors everything I do.
I am making a birthday promis to myself. I get 15 minutes everyday to write, no matter what. It is my gift to myself, and I hope I can find the balanced me in there, someplace :D
12 April, 2011
HAWMC - Day Twelve: Free Writing Based on an Image
My son was born via an emergency c-section, something I was not prepared for, nor a true participant in outside of being cut open. The care providers I had hired failed me, and left me feeling like I was incomplete as a woman, like I would never be able to give birth vaginally and I ached.
My recovery was hard. Infection, post partum depression. I sunk further and further, and ended up sliding to the point I was no longer caring for me or DS and it was something I couldn't handle watching.
I got back on my meds, pushed to lose the rest of the baby weight and got healthier. Low and behold I found out I was pregnant. And that is when I found ICAN. The support, information and friendships I have gathered from this amazing group fo individuals helped support me through the pregnancy with my daughter. The change of providers, to a VBAC friendly provider. Knowing that other women had forged the path ahead of me, and had been successful made me even more determined to do what ever I could to make the best foot forward in attaining a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean, just a note).
Come August 10, 2010, I added a success. My DD was born, vaginally, no pain medication outside of a 40 minute period where the paracervical block I had allowed me to focus my contractions. I held her immediately. I didn't get to hold my son for almost 4 hours. The difference in my experiences was night and day.
I stand by the idea that an informed patient makes informed decisions. That doesn't just apply to childbirth, but across the board. It is why I will stand with my ICAN sisters on Saturday, at a Cersarean Awareness Rally, to encourage other women to become informed.
So much more I can say, but I will leave it at this. ICAN and I did. VBAC.
11 April, 2011
Slew of posts upcoming...
I've been writing, but not posting, as I have been taking a break from the computer and focusing on school work :D
A lot has been swirling around my mind.
Posts on Depression, PPD, dealing with migraines, kids and breastfeeding are incoming.
A lot has been swirling around my mind.
Posts on Depression, PPD, dealing with migraines, kids and breastfeeding are incoming.
Free Web health seminar!
Join me for WEGO Health’s Webinar: Navigating Your Health Narrative!
I just registered for WEGO Health’s exciting new webinar and I wanted to share with everyone. Here are the particulars:
What: Navigating Your Health Narrative Webinar
Who: Health Activist Panel with Lisa E, Erin B, Jenni P, and Amanda D
When: Thursday April 21st 8pm EST (the webinar will last one hour)
Where: Sign up here (link) and you’ll get all the details
The webinar is for anyone from seasoned bloggers to blog-readers who want to start their own blog. The webinar will cover the basics of blogging and include more advanced tips and tricks for promoting posts, managing your time, and establishing your blog “voice” and how to raise awareness about your condition through blogging.
By signing up you’ll also have a chance to ask specific questions for the Health Activist panel that will be answered during the live Q&A portion of the webinar. You’ll get access to the archived version of the webinar!
I am looking forward to taking part in this event!
30 March, 2011
Dealing with demons past and present...
and strangely, no alcohol has been consumed.
Talk about a disjointed post. The kids are in bed, dishwasher and dryer going. Toys mostly picked up. And wondering why I even get excited about things, when as soon as I do, they get ripped from me.
I am trying to motivate to get school work done.
Slipknot, a fantastic band.
Who am I wondering, realizing that I have left behind. It's me. I realize I push my needs, wants and desires to the back of the list. A lot running through my mind, and am having issues working through it.
I should have seen my neuro months ago... no appointment.
Wondering where to go with everything going on.
That is why I am trying to take care of myself, in small ways... Moving forward is all we can do...
Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again
So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there
Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know
I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
So save your breath, I will not care
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go
So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don't ever let me know
If you still care don't ever let me know
Talk about a disjointed post. The kids are in bed, dishwasher and dryer going. Toys mostly picked up. And wondering why I even get excited about things, when as soon as I do, they get ripped from me.
I am trying to motivate to get school work done.
Slipknot, a fantastic band.
Who am I wondering, realizing that I have left behind. It's me. I realize I push my needs, wants and desires to the back of the list. A lot running through my mind, and am having issues working through it.
I should have seen my neuro months ago... no appointment.
Wondering where to go with everything going on.
That is why I am trying to take care of myself, in small ways... Moving forward is all we can do...
Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again
So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there
Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know
I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
So save your breath, I will not care
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go
So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don't ever let me know
If you still care don't ever let me know
29 March, 2011
How to jump back in...
after realizing things are rough. I don;t have the answer to that question, but I am looking for it.
Chronic depression is a way of life for me. Some days are great. Others, not so much.
We are dealing with grey weather, rainy day upon rainy day. I know I need to get out, but it is hard, even to attend the classes on campus. Or to open up my online classes. It can be a struggle.
Health woes are abundant right now. Mastitis, chronic migraines, chronic depression, dizziness and lethargy. So, I am back to the drawing board of trying to figure out what these pieces may be part of. What is the greater whole I am fighting.
The best thing that has happened to me in the past year is the VABC I had in August. And baby girl is sitting next to me trying to help with this post. Consider me jumped into the pools, and looking what direction to go.
Chronic depression is a way of life for me. Some days are great. Others, not so much.
We are dealing with grey weather, rainy day upon rainy day. I know I need to get out, but it is hard, even to attend the classes on campus. Or to open up my online classes. It can be a struggle.
Health woes are abundant right now. Mastitis, chronic migraines, chronic depression, dizziness and lethargy. So, I am back to the drawing board of trying to figure out what these pieces may be part of. What is the greater whole I am fighting.
The best thing that has happened to me in the past year is the VABC I had in August. And baby girl is sitting next to me trying to help with this post. Consider me jumped into the pools, and looking what direction to go.
Want to make your voice heard?
New WEGO Health Panel for Parents who Blog about Health!
WEGO Health is a different kind of social media company whose mission is to empower the top 10% of online health social media contributors to connect with each other and with healthcare companies. They call these people Health Activists and I am one of them!
I’m blogging about WEGO Health to let all of you know that they’re going to be an Insight Panel (online focus group) for parents who blog about family health, nutrition, parenting and more! I’ve already signed up but I wanted to make sure that all of my readers knew about the opportunity as well. The Insight Panel will last about an hour and all participants will receive a $25 Amazon.com gift card for their participation. They’re still scheduling the actual Panel but are interested in sharing this with people now!
If you’re interested in participating in this Panel (or one like it) and want to see if you’re a good fit, take their brief survey here: Parents Who Blog about Health Insight Panel!
03 January, 2011
Rain falls, flowers grow...
A new year is the time to sow new seeds, learn things and better one's self.
It also seems to be a time of huge change. I see it every day in my children, in my husband, in myself.
We are moving in February, not far, but we will be in our own space again. Hopefully only one more move in our future when we buy a home.
Right now, baby girl is sleeping, little boy is playing quietly (as he is under the weather) and my husband is off to grab a few things at the store before he goes to work the poker tournament tonight. Grilled cheese and soup night. Cuddles and watching TV. Think it is a good way to spend the evening with my kids.
I will be better about the aspects in my life. I am back to task lists, so I can get things done. Getting back on the exercise train (yay for keeping our Y membership, so I can use the weights and do Zumba. And baby girl is now old enough for the child care room.)
I am learning more in crochet and learning knitting (slowly). I am enjoying making things besides blankets and scarves. Ravelry
30 November, 2010
November closes...
And it has been a busy month.
DS survived his CT, we are waiting for the results. I don't care what the procedure, or how many times you have been through something personally, it is *nerve* wracking when it is happening to your child. Having to leave the room and hearing him scream due to me not being there made me cry. (I had DD with me, so I couldn't stay in the CT room :( ) I am glad he couldn't see me cry. Thankfully, no sedation, so we came back to the house and met his speech therapist. From there, he had school.
DS enjoys school, although he knew something was coming up, as he became clingier. Guess this should be documented as an adventure. About a week after DD was born, I started experiencing right sided pain, upper abdomen. At its worst, it woke me up in the middle of the night thinking someone was trying to run me threw with a sword. It really was quite unpleasant. After a round of non-RSV bronchiolitis with my then 4 week old DD, and my PP appointment, I finally went and took a trip to Urgent Care. Poked, prodded and sent for a gallbladder ultrasound that came back inconclusive. The UC NP gave me a GI cocktail to see if it was my stomach causing the problem. (Liquid Regan, Mylanta and liquid lidocaine). It did nothing but make my throat numb.
I got set off with two cards for GI's to look at. I researched the names/practices and got myself an appointment for the following week. They drew blood, chatted with me. Dr. Longacre then gave the orders for a HIDA scan (liver/gallbladder function test done with nuclear imaging). While waiting for the test, our trip to NOLA finally hit. It was an excellent time. That is for another post. While in NOLA, Dr. Longacre's office called and noted that my lipase was elevated. So, I was sent for a CT scan as well. Once both tests were performed, I received a call after the results were reviewed.
CT came back with things looking normal (for once, I am normal!). The HIDA scan was a different story. IT is not a black or white test. The gallbladder is considered functional at 35% or better. My ejection function came back at 14%. I was sent to a surgeon, and did the consult with Dr. Schwab. I scheduled for 11/19/10.
Had to be at the hospital at 5:30am. Oof! I was home by 11am, as the procedure went quickly. I was smart with pain meds, and asked for a dose in recovery, as I shifted and it hurt. And since then, I have been feeling better, handling the post op pain (which is NOTHING compared to what I was dealing with). Can;t carry DS until I am cleared. That makes me sad. Lucky I can carry baby girl!
Speaking of baby girl, she is fusing and likely needs a diaper change. Off to mama and head to bed.
DS survived his CT, we are waiting for the results. I don't care what the procedure, or how many times you have been through something personally, it is *nerve* wracking when it is happening to your child. Having to leave the room and hearing him scream due to me not being there made me cry. (I had DD with me, so I couldn't stay in the CT room :( ) I am glad he couldn't see me cry. Thankfully, no sedation, so we came back to the house and met his speech therapist. From there, he had school.
DS enjoys school, although he knew something was coming up, as he became clingier. Guess this should be documented as an adventure. About a week after DD was born, I started experiencing right sided pain, upper abdomen. At its worst, it woke me up in the middle of the night thinking someone was trying to run me threw with a sword. It really was quite unpleasant. After a round of non-RSV bronchiolitis with my then 4 week old DD, and my PP appointment, I finally went and took a trip to Urgent Care. Poked, prodded and sent for a gallbladder ultrasound that came back inconclusive. The UC NP gave me a GI cocktail to see if it was my stomach causing the problem. (Liquid Regan, Mylanta and liquid lidocaine). It did nothing but make my throat numb.
I got set off with two cards for GI's to look at. I researched the names/practices and got myself an appointment for the following week. They drew blood, chatted with me. Dr. Longacre then gave the orders for a HIDA scan (liver/gallbladder function test done with nuclear imaging). While waiting for the test, our trip to NOLA finally hit. It was an excellent time. That is for another post. While in NOLA, Dr. Longacre's office called and noted that my lipase was elevated. So, I was sent for a CT scan as well. Once both tests were performed, I received a call after the results were reviewed.
CT came back with things looking normal (for once, I am normal!). The HIDA scan was a different story. IT is not a black or white test. The gallbladder is considered functional at 35% or better. My ejection function came back at 14%. I was sent to a surgeon, and did the consult with Dr. Schwab. I scheduled for 11/19/10.
Had to be at the hospital at 5:30am. Oof! I was home by 11am, as the procedure went quickly. I was smart with pain meds, and asked for a dose in recovery, as I shifted and it hurt. And since then, I have been feeling better, handling the post op pain (which is NOTHING compared to what I was dealing with). Can;t carry DS until I am cleared. That makes me sad. Lucky I can carry baby girl!
Speaking of baby girl, she is fusing and likely needs a diaper change. Off to mama and head to bed.
04 November, 2010
Hop on...Mama?
The two year is digging the jump on Mama game. Can we say 'Ow'?
I haven't had a lot to say, but I know I am going to have to look at my med levels. I am frustrated at health issues. And that doesn't help the depression. May need ot up the Zoloft. Health issues with me, with the boy child. Nerves, as he will be getting a CT on 11/16. Adenoid check, to see what could be causing the obscene number of sinus infections he has had this year.
Baby girl is growing like a weed. The joke is I have Miracle Grow in my milk. She is as long as my friend's 5 month old, and she is 12 weeks (hits 3 months on 11/10)!
Alas, I want to post more, but I have a sleepy toddler calling for me, and a baby to get into jammies.
More, soon. Along with some good artciles I have been saving.
I haven't had a lot to say, but I know I am going to have to look at my med levels. I am frustrated at health issues. And that doesn't help the depression. May need ot up the Zoloft. Health issues with me, with the boy child. Nerves, as he will be getting a CT on 11/16. Adenoid check, to see what could be causing the obscene number of sinus infections he has had this year.
Baby girl is growing like a weed. The joke is I have Miracle Grow in my milk. She is as long as my friend's 5 month old, and she is 12 weeks (hits 3 months on 11/10)!
Alas, I want to post more, but I have a sleepy toddler calling for me, and a baby to get into jammies.
More, soon. Along with some good artciles I have been saving.
23 October, 2010
My daughter's birth story...
Beanling's birth timeline
Monday 8/9/10 was my 41 week 2 day appointment with Doc Tate. Went out to the office, has my NST (little girl did well) and went into the room. Chatted with Doc Tate, about how I was uncomfortable about inducing at 42 weeks (due to family history), and that I was willing to do a cervical check, and base my decision of how to proceed on it. Check occurs, and I am closed up like Fort Knox! So, with that, we'll play it by ear and I'll likely see you Thursday. No decisions before then. I meet up with Trin and Mat for Krispy kremes and tea. From there I head home. I rest.
I go and pick up Doomling from school. The teachers and staff are surprised to still see me picking him up and carrying him around. We head home, where Doomling sees Da (Clint) for a little bit before Clint heads off to work for the poker league. Doomling was way past tired... he was overtired and cranky, so we sit down and nurse, for a good 40-45 minutes. In the past, I would get a small increase in contractions, then it would go back to what I dealt with for the prior sixweeks. This time, not so much. Instead of the dull achey contractions, I was getting sharp, crampy contractions. Doomling fell asleep, and I got him situated. This when the back and forth to the bathroom began. I felt like I had to void constantly...the feeling would go away, I would go back in the living room. Then back to the bathroom. After this occurred for 45 minutes and Doomling woke up, I messaged a friend nearby, after messaged Sarah (my back up driver) and got no response, and Jo came over to help with Doomling.
They sharp crampy sensation continued, and after 90 minutes I called the service, who then put me through to Tia (the Nurse Practitioner at the practice). After timing, my contractions were 1-1.5minutes apart. Tia said she would talk to Doc Tate, but suggested I head in, just to be safe, since they were close.
I get my bag, and Doomling's backpack. Sarah called back, hadher meet me at Midtown, since she was coming from near Toco Hills. Called Clint and told him Jo was taking me in. He asked I keep him updated. (Little did I know he looked at the poker players and said "My wife is in labor, y'all need to hurry up")
Jo was entertaining as she drove my car down 75 to get to Midtown... Cursing, honking... Me telling her to get into the HOV lane "Why is the woman in labor directing me... somethingis wrong with that." We park in the deck, and get the three of us walking in.
I check into L and D at 8:05pm, Sarah is already there waiting for us. Jo and Sarah get their visitor badges and they lead us back. I laugh as they put me in triage 14, again (third time in the room!)
At 8:30pm, nurse comes and checks me, after explaining toher my anxiety issues with gurney placement (from my experience at Northside,if people move the gurney without telling me, I start to get flashbacks from how I was handled there, and start hyperventilating) verdict is: fingertip dilated, placed on monitors until9:15pm. Get a baseline read. The nurse brought me apple juice and graham crackers (I shared the crackers with Bradley)
9:15pm I get off the monitors and start walking floor with Jo as Sarah tried to get Bradley to sleep. Find out Doc Tate was at the hospital and planned to come by to check me... Sarah texted me to let me know that Doomling was getting to the point of sleep.
10pm saw me still walking (Jo and Sarah trade places, now that Doomling was asleep). Sarah and I continue walking, we get a call that Clint is on his way in from Woodstock where he was working. Meanwhile I text Talitha to keep her updated as to what's going on.
10:45pm Clint gets to Midtown, and I am back in the room,because the contractions were stronger, walking was more difficult and I was laying on the gurney on my side rocking through them, trying to stay relaxed as possible through them.
At 11:05pm Jo and Doomling leave, as Jo was a saint and kept Doomling for the night, as she was there. It made more sense than calling Steph or Trin, and shifting him again. Trying to have consistency for the toddler,or something like it, right? It's thefirst night I have spent away from my son. A bit bittersweet, as I worried about what he would think when he woke up and Mama and Da weren't there. Doomling was in good hands with Jo.
After they left, I snacked on the remaining apple juice the nurse brought me earlier. I will admit, I wasn't nearly as good about fluid intake as I should have been. At 12:30am Doc Tate arrives in my room. Before he came in, I noted that he was there,as I could hear his voice through the door. He checks and I am 2cm and 80% effaced. I am given the option of staying or going home. I note the car ride would be uncomfortable back to Marietta and something told me we would be turning around to come back as soon as we got home. I decided to stay on gut call, I admit! And I am glad I listened to my gut. With the new moon, seems mamas were flocking into L and D. We would find out more about this later.
I continue laboring, and Sarah calls Talitha with the update. We are supposed to call when I am moved to a LDR. 2:00am rolls around and I start discussing meds, the nurse said she would ping Doc Tate (the nurse I had was not familiar with him or how he handles things, so made things interesting). I told her no epidural (or at least Clint and Sarah knew I didn't want one and relayed that information). (I will also note here that I was going back and forth to labor in the bathroom. Bits of my plug were coming out, nothing like what happened with Bradley,spent a lot of 1-3:30am back and forth between the gurney and bathroom, and the infamous bloody show came about after my water broke)
About 2:10am I'm sitting back up to walk back into the bathroom when I feel a very small 'pop' and I ask Sarah and Clint "Did my water break or did I pee myself?"
Right after, about 2:15, Doc Tate comes in and checks to find light staining, I am 3cm/-1 (never got this far with Doomling!). He asked when my water broke and I mentioned what I felt. Dr. Fletcher came in and got the intake questions/paperwork to admit me. I later found out active labor was called at 2:10 by Doc Tate.
Sarah called Talitha to let her know what was going on and we were still waiting for transfer to a LDR. Little did we know that Triage and L and D were full up, and they weren't planning on moving me.
At 4:30am Doc Tate came in and asked me what I wanted pain management wise. I said PCB (paracervical block). He checked and I was 5cm. He was willing to try it, but wasn't sure it would work well with me being 5cm. This is also where we find out I am not being moved from triage.
The needed items for the PCB are brought in and from4:45-5:05 Doc Tate administered it. Sarah calls Talitha to let her know I am not being moved, so she can head over. Talitha arrives after 1st side administered. Not the most comfortable thing in the world, but once it was done, I did notice a difference.
From 5:05am-5:45am, we raised the gurney and got me on the birthball to allow the PCB to work effectively. I am laying on the gurney in between contractions trying to rest, as I had been up since 6:30am on Monday. A warmed rice pack on my spine, Sarah, Clint and Talitha helping me through the pressureof the contractions. Seriously, was not wanting for support. I could not have done this without them.
I was still on the monitors while on the ball, and we had issue keeping Beanling on them, even with Talitha trying to chase her. So at 5:45am Doc Tate comes in, gets me back onbed to check the possibility of decels (gets us to shut off the music... my DH rocks, as I had a good mix of music off of his iTunes... just had to skip past the Christmas music ;-) ) one more check,which shows me almost complete with cervical lip. Test pushes suggested by Doc Tate, and those test pushes sucked. I started reclined, shifted to my side and then to my hands and knees.
6:04am complete- on hands and knees. They come in while I am pushing and tell usthey are moving me to LDR 11. I am covered with a sheet , wheeled down the hallway. Switch to the LDR bed. Couldn't get up into full squat due to numbness in hands and feet/legs.
I got back into the semi-recline position as I was bette rable to curl around baby girl. Talitha right leg, Sarah left leg/camera, Clint at my head, Catie, a med student on left. Doc Tate was at foot, Dr. Fletcher bottom right. Mirror was placed. Quick set up due to the room change. Still can't believe I almost delivered in Triage and they moved me during pushing. Started pushing again... effective. Low vocalization. I held my hubby's hand with my right hand. Asked for the massage to stop, as it was taking away from my focus. I literally retracted into myself, and was repeating over and over in my head "I can do this, I can do this...". I felt her hair... Oh my goddess, she's on her way. I then saw hair, slowed down when she crowning. Right as I was told to pant. I continued to watch as this creature emerged from me. Her head comes out. And pop! The rest of her follows, with lots of fluid. Baby girl had a coating of merconium on her. Baby at 6:30am! (After the alarm goes off on my phone, my 6:30 wake up alarm). Doc Tate and Dr. Fletcher clean her off and place her on my chest. She cries. OMG, she's here... I am so shocked, I can't cry. Clint tells me he's proud of me. Hat placed on Beanling, and a blanket. Doc Tate stating "I am seeing skin where I shouldn't" and we cover her more.
Clint is offered to cut the cord. He declines. I was about to offer to Sarah, when they ask me if I want to do so. "Yes. Please." I cut my daughter's cord and hold her, and nurse while I work with the contractions to pass the placenta. Clint goes over to the warmer, and I pass Beanling over, so they can stitch me up. Placenta delivers about 6:45am. Some uterine massage was done onthe uterus to expel additional tissue. Shot to help with the bleeding. Numbed up and stitched, due to the second degree tear. I also managed to knock out my hep lock while I was laboring... saved Doc Tate writing a discontinue order on that!
Beanling had apgars of 8/9. Beautiful, alert baby girl. Seeing my hubby hold her, it wasamazing. Seeing her was amazing. Doc Tate posted to the forums from my LDR :chuckles:.
I truly thought I was going to be sent home, hence me notposting that I was going in.
I really can not complain about my delivery. What I wanted and what I got meshed. The only pain management I wanted was the PCB, and that is what I got. I was surroundedby loving, caring people, and my daughter was loved on immediately after her arrival. It was a big difference from not meeting Bradley until almost 4 hours after his birth. I would take the 6 weeks of prodromal labor over again for the delivery I had.
I can't thank Sarah, Clint and Talitha for the support. It was what I needed, when I needed it and kept me going when I was worried I couldn't do it.
Some of the pictures Talitha took are here starting on page 3 of the album: http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v738/napper820/Beanling%20Pregnancy/
The other thing is, I noted I had a med student in on my birth. Catie was a sweetheart. She had been to 6 births, all cesareans. So, I was not only her first vaginal birth,but her first VBAC as well. She thanked us for allowing her to be part of it. Come to find out she was rounding out the end of her OB rotation, andshe expressed an interest in pursuing OB. I saw her my last morning at Midtown, and she said she was planning on learning more, so she can help moms "...do what you did. Thank you again, for sharing the experience with me, as it was amazing."
I truly hope more med students see a VBAC/vaginal birth andrealize what the experience means. And help normalize what we experience in birth.
While I am a far way from being "healed" from my experiences with Doomling's birth, I know what happened is not my fault. I had control taken from me, and that is not the way things are supposed to go for a normal birth. My providers failed me in that regard, and left me feeling traumatized and scared about any future pregnancies.
I can say I am not scared anymore. My body can do it, I did it. And I have to say thank you, Dr. Tate, for the chance to prove it to myself.
Monday 8/9/10 was my 41 week 2 day appointment with Doc Tate. Went out to the office, has my NST (little girl did well) and went into the room. Chatted with Doc Tate, about how I was uncomfortable about inducing at 42 weeks (due to family history), and that I was willing to do a cervical check, and base my decision of how to proceed on it. Check occurs, and I am closed up like Fort Knox! So, with that, we'll play it by ear and I'll likely see you Thursday. No decisions before then. I meet up with Trin and Mat for Krispy kremes and tea. From there I head home. I rest.
I go and pick up Doomling from school. The teachers and staff are surprised to still see me picking him up and carrying him around. We head home, where Doomling sees Da (Clint) for a little bit before Clint heads off to work for the poker league. Doomling was way past tired... he was overtired and cranky, so we sit down and nurse, for a good 40-45 minutes. In the past, I would get a small increase in contractions, then it would go back to what I dealt with for the prior sixweeks. This time, not so much. Instead of the dull achey contractions, I was getting sharp, crampy contractions. Doomling fell asleep, and I got him situated. This when the back and forth to the bathroom began. I felt like I had to void constantly...the feeling would go away, I would go back in the living room. Then back to the bathroom. After this occurred for 45 minutes and Doomling woke up, I messaged a friend nearby, after messaged Sarah (my back up driver) and got no response, and Jo came over to help with Doomling.
They sharp crampy sensation continued, and after 90 minutes I called the service, who then put me through to Tia (the Nurse Practitioner at the practice). After timing, my contractions were 1-1.5minutes apart. Tia said she would talk to Doc Tate, but suggested I head in, just to be safe, since they were close.
I get my bag, and Doomling's backpack. Sarah called back, hadher meet me at Midtown, since she was coming from near Toco Hills. Called Clint and told him Jo was taking me in. He asked I keep him updated. (Little did I know he looked at the poker players and said "My wife is in labor, y'all need to hurry up")
Jo was entertaining as she drove my car down 75 to get to Midtown... Cursing, honking... Me telling her to get into the HOV lane "Why is the woman in labor directing me... somethingis wrong with that." We park in the deck, and get the three of us walking in.
I check into L and D at 8:05pm, Sarah is already there waiting for us. Jo and Sarah get their visitor badges and they lead us back. I laugh as they put me in triage 14, again (third time in the room!)
At 8:30pm, nurse comes and checks me, after explaining toher my anxiety issues with gurney placement (from my experience at Northside,if people move the gurney without telling me, I start to get flashbacks from how I was handled there, and start hyperventilating) verdict is: fingertip dilated, placed on monitors until9:15pm. Get a baseline read. The nurse brought me apple juice and graham crackers (I shared the crackers with Bradley)
9:15pm I get off the monitors and start walking floor with Jo as Sarah tried to get Bradley to sleep. Find out Doc Tate was at the hospital and planned to come by to check me... Sarah texted me to let me know that Doomling was getting to the point of sleep.
10pm saw me still walking (Jo and Sarah trade places, now that Doomling was asleep). Sarah and I continue walking, we get a call that Clint is on his way in from Woodstock where he was working. Meanwhile I text Talitha to keep her updated as to what's going on.
10:45pm Clint gets to Midtown, and I am back in the room,because the contractions were stronger, walking was more difficult and I was laying on the gurney on my side rocking through them, trying to stay relaxed as possible through them.
At 11:05pm Jo and Doomling leave, as Jo was a saint and kept Doomling for the night, as she was there. It made more sense than calling Steph or Trin, and shifting him again. Trying to have consistency for the toddler,or something like it, right? It's thefirst night I have spent away from my son. A bit bittersweet, as I worried about what he would think when he woke up and Mama and Da weren't there. Doomling was in good hands with Jo.
After they left, I snacked on the remaining apple juice the nurse brought me earlier. I will admit, I wasn't nearly as good about fluid intake as I should have been. At 12:30am Doc Tate arrives in my room. Before he came in, I noted that he was there,as I could hear his voice through the door. He checks and I am 2cm and 80% effaced. I am given the option of staying or going home. I note the car ride would be uncomfortable back to Marietta and something told me we would be turning around to come back as soon as we got home. I decided to stay on gut call, I admit! And I am glad I listened to my gut. With the new moon, seems mamas were flocking into L and D. We would find out more about this later.
I continue laboring, and Sarah calls Talitha with the update. We are supposed to call when I am moved to a LDR. 2:00am rolls around and I start discussing meds, the nurse said she would ping Doc Tate (the nurse I had was not familiar with him or how he handles things, so made things interesting). I told her no epidural (or at least Clint and Sarah knew I didn't want one and relayed that information). (I will also note here that I was going back and forth to labor in the bathroom. Bits of my plug were coming out, nothing like what happened with Bradley,spent a lot of 1-3:30am back and forth between the gurney and bathroom, and the infamous bloody show came about after my water broke)
About 2:10am I'm sitting back up to walk back into the bathroom when I feel a very small 'pop' and I ask Sarah and Clint "Did my water break or did I pee myself?"
Right after, about 2:15, Doc Tate comes in and checks to find light staining, I am 3cm/-1 (never got this far with Doomling!). He asked when my water broke and I mentioned what I felt. Dr. Fletcher came in and got the intake questions/paperwork to admit me. I later found out active labor was called at 2:10 by Doc Tate.
Sarah called Talitha to let her know what was going on and we were still waiting for transfer to a LDR. Little did we know that Triage and L and D were full up, and they weren't planning on moving me.
At 4:30am Doc Tate came in and asked me what I wanted pain management wise. I said PCB (paracervical block). He checked and I was 5cm. He was willing to try it, but wasn't sure it would work well with me being 5cm. This is also where we find out I am not being moved from triage.
The needed items for the PCB are brought in and from4:45-5:05 Doc Tate administered it. Sarah calls Talitha to let her know I am not being moved, so she can head over. Talitha arrives after 1st side administered. Not the most comfortable thing in the world, but once it was done, I did notice a difference.
From 5:05am-5:45am, we raised the gurney and got me on the birthball to allow the PCB to work effectively. I am laying on the gurney in between contractions trying to rest, as I had been up since 6:30am on Monday. A warmed rice pack on my spine, Sarah, Clint and Talitha helping me through the pressureof the contractions. Seriously, was not wanting for support. I could not have done this without them.
I was still on the monitors while on the ball, and we had issue keeping Beanling on them, even with Talitha trying to chase her. So at 5:45am Doc Tate comes in, gets me back onbed to check the possibility of decels (gets us to shut off the music... my DH rocks, as I had a good mix of music off of his iTunes... just had to skip past the Christmas music ;-) ) one more check,which shows me almost complete with cervical lip. Test pushes suggested by Doc Tate, and those test pushes sucked. I started reclined, shifted to my side and then to my hands and knees.
6:04am complete- on hands and knees. They come in while I am pushing and tell usthey are moving me to LDR 11. I am covered with a sheet , wheeled down the hallway. Switch to the LDR bed. Couldn't get up into full squat due to numbness in hands and feet/legs.
I got back into the semi-recline position as I was bette rable to curl around baby girl. Talitha right leg, Sarah left leg/camera, Clint at my head, Catie, a med student on left. Doc Tate was at foot, Dr. Fletcher bottom right. Mirror was placed. Quick set up due to the room change. Still can't believe I almost delivered in Triage and they moved me during pushing. Started pushing again... effective. Low vocalization. I held my hubby's hand with my right hand. Asked for the massage to stop, as it was taking away from my focus. I literally retracted into myself, and was repeating over and over in my head "I can do this, I can do this...". I felt her hair... Oh my goddess, she's on her way. I then saw hair, slowed down when she crowning. Right as I was told to pant. I continued to watch as this creature emerged from me. Her head comes out. And pop! The rest of her follows, with lots of fluid. Baby girl had a coating of merconium on her. Baby at 6:30am! (After the alarm goes off on my phone, my 6:30 wake up alarm). Doc Tate and Dr. Fletcher clean her off and place her on my chest. She cries. OMG, she's here... I am so shocked, I can't cry. Clint tells me he's proud of me. Hat placed on Beanling, and a blanket. Doc Tate stating "I am seeing skin where I shouldn't" and we cover her more.
Clint is offered to cut the cord. He declines. I was about to offer to Sarah, when they ask me if I want to do so. "Yes. Please." I cut my daughter's cord and hold her, and nurse while I work with the contractions to pass the placenta. Clint goes over to the warmer, and I pass Beanling over, so they can stitch me up. Placenta delivers about 6:45am. Some uterine massage was done onthe uterus to expel additional tissue. Shot to help with the bleeding. Numbed up and stitched, due to the second degree tear. I also managed to knock out my hep lock while I was laboring... saved Doc Tate writing a discontinue order on that!
Beanling had apgars of 8/9. Beautiful, alert baby girl. Seeing my hubby hold her, it wasamazing. Seeing her was amazing. Doc Tate posted to the forums from my LDR :chuckles:.
I truly thought I was going to be sent home, hence me notposting that I was going in.
I really can not complain about my delivery. What I wanted and what I got meshed. The only pain management I wanted was the PCB, and that is what I got. I was surroundedby loving, caring people, and my daughter was loved on immediately after her arrival. It was a big difference from not meeting Bradley until almost 4 hours after his birth. I would take the 6 weeks of prodromal labor over again for the delivery I had.
I can't thank Sarah, Clint and Talitha for the support. It was what I needed, when I needed it and kept me going when I was worried I couldn't do it.
Some of the pictures Talitha took are here starting on page 3 of the album: http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v738/napper820/Beanling%20Pregnancy/
The other thing is, I noted I had a med student in on my birth. Catie was a sweetheart. She had been to 6 births, all cesareans. So, I was not only her first vaginal birth,but her first VBAC as well. She thanked us for allowing her to be part of it. Come to find out she was rounding out the end of her OB rotation, andshe expressed an interest in pursuing OB. I saw her my last morning at Midtown, and she said she was planning on learning more, so she can help moms "...do what you did. Thank you again, for sharing the experience with me, as it was amazing."
I truly hope more med students see a VBAC/vaginal birth andrealize what the experience means. And help normalize what we experience in birth.
While I am a far way from being "healed" from my experiences with Doomling's birth, I know what happened is not my fault. I had control taken from me, and that is not the way things are supposed to go for a normal birth. My providers failed me in that regard, and left me feeling traumatized and scared about any future pregnancies.
I can say I am not scared anymore. My body can do it, I did it. And I have to say thank you, Dr. Tate, for the chance to prove it to myself.
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